By Sally Miller
Here’s how to schedule your weeks for a DIY Summer Mama Fun Camp!
Week one: Explore local flea markets and Craigslist for used musical instruments. Form a family band. It’ll be just like Mumford and Sons. In fact, it will be a cover band! Call it Momford and Son, and one daughter and one dad who was at work and could never make band practice.
Week Eight: It’s over! You did it! Swirl that little cocktail umbrella in your drink and congratulate yourself on a job well done.
What’s that? Come again? What! It’s only day five?
Week Two: Scream, “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” into a pillow or your child’s face. Whatever is closest.
Week Three: Hit up Michaels! You’ve got so many doorbuster coupons you could basically walk out with the entire store for under $50! Buy 78 yards of marked down Smurf-print fleece fabric to create your own one-of-a-kind crafted yurt. Take it out camping. It may turn out not to be the best building material. Use this terrible time to make memorable moments. Hashtag it #thefamilythatyurtstogetherstaystogether. Post close-up photos of Smurf faces. They are the only ones smiling.
Week Four: Though technically in April, use this entire week as “take your child to your their dad’s work” week.
Week Five: Recall that your daughter’s best friend went to sleep-away horse-riding camp. Feeling inspired, buy $600 of carousel tickets. Ta Da! It’s horse-riding camp, hippo-riding camp, and slow-insanity-of-the-carousel music camp!
Week Six: According to many parenting experts, letting your child be bored is actually good for them! Sit back and relax while they spend the week figuring things out on their own. Maybe your normally arguing children will set aside their differences and create a paper bag puppet family. Or maybe they’ll find their tablets and stay in their respective rooms. Unstructured time is important!
Week Seven: Drive by other camps and ask if there are openings. Leave your child at the camp and admonish the 16-year-old counselor for forgetting your child signed up. Get him fired and repeat daily for the remainder of the week.
Week Eight: Car camping! In your children’s school’s carpool lane. Be outdoors, enjoy nature, and be first in line at drop off!
About the Author
Sally Miller is a writer whose work has appeared in The Belladonna Comedy, McSweeney’s, and elsewhere. She currently lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two children, and dog who refuses to pick up after himself.