All parents and teachers need to stay current on the hip words of the day. Do people even use the term “hip” anymore? Probably not. It’s probably something like “kewl” or “amaze-balls” or “trending.” I’m not suggesting these words make it into your daily vocabulary – that would just make you look like an aging wannabe. I am suggesting that we should be able to decipher what the hell kids are saying. In case “I love you” now means “suck my balls” or something. Here are some stellar examples.

Thot

I don’t like her because she’s a thot; she’s sleepin’ with like 9 guys.

That Ho Over There. Because we can’t just say ho. Or whore. The next generation has decided we need to specify which ho it is (is it this ho, or that ho?), and where said ho is located (over there, or over here?). There are just so many hos, we need to refer to a specific ho in the ho sea that currently drowns the earth.

Bump

Man, bump that thot! She’s not worth it!

Bump you, asshat. I’m outta here.

I’m bumpin’ Pharrell tonight.

Bump has become a multi-use word. You might think bump means a light collision or a bulge in an otherwise flat surface. You be wrong. You might think you are really hip, and know bump means to comment on a post to make the post move to the top of a wall. It’s clever really; Bring Up My Post. Bump. Alas, you are also behind the times.

Currently, bump can express dislike, can be an insult, or can mean you are playing loud music. Who knew? I thought it still meant sex. Like bump uglies.

Bae

Just another Friday with my Bae. #YOLO

I learned this one from Pharrell. Babe is too hard to say. You Only Live Once, so let’s save time by dropping that extra b. We need to conserve the b, for when we call someone a B. Which could mean bitch, brother, or bastard depending on the context.

Or nah

You wanna go out tonight, or nah?

Yep. The whole thing is a phrase. Not just or. Not just nah. Or nah, all together. We really needed another way to say not. This one is just so creative.

Swerve

She swerved your ass. Whatcha gonna say now?

I can really get behind this one. I think this used to be called snap. As in, when someone uses a really snarky comeback that is so awesome the receiver of the comeback just stands there with nothing to say.

In my world, I do this when someone asks if my twins are natural. So basically they are asking me if I procreated using sex or fertility treatments. I say, “No, they are unnatural. Just full of chemicals and robot parts. How did you make your kids? Doggy Style?” Swerve. Drops mic and walks off stage.

Turnt

I was so turnt last night. I don’t even remember what happened! Did I puke on my bae?

My term for this is drunk. Maybe turnt is a little more descriptive than drunk, like being so altered that you think you are supernatural. Can also be used as a phrase – turnt up. This is the opposite of a Debbie Downer, who is turnt down.

Words

Mom: Sweetie, you need to do your homework. If you don’t keep up at school, you will never graduate. Even if you do graduate, you will be in the bottom 50% of your class. Do you know what happens to the bottom 50%? They don’t go to college. Don’t you want to go to college, dear?

Teenager: (eyeroll) (giant sigh) Words.

This is what kids say when they just don’t care about the topic of conversation. The thought of actually contributing to a conversation and generating a respectful response is just so repulsive that they substitute with the term “words.” Instead of using real sentences, “words” is supposed to indicate that they understand they are supposed to use real words, but your conversation doesn’t deserve real thought. So words.

Basic

She’s so basic, showing off like that. She just wants attention.

A word for obvious or uncool or dumb. Maybe unsophisticated. The intent is to use it in a derogatory way or as an insult. I just realized I might be basic. I can’t even.

There you have it – now go and decode your kids.