By Ambrosia Brody of Random Aspects of My Life
Multitasking is the only way parents achieve anything with little kids underfoot. For many of us, a trip to the bathroom provides us a few seconds to just be still, catch our breath and be alone. Those few minutes are priceless. Then there are those days when it seems as if everyone is invading our sanctuary — AKA the bathroom — and we just have to bear down or deal with it.
Here are six things that can be accomplished while on the toilet:
1. Quick mani-pedi: It’s simple. First settle yourself on the john, pull out a bottle of your favorite nail polish and start applying Crabby Cobalt on your toes. Apply some glitter and a top coat and wave them around while leaning back on the toilet seat—careful not to spray. When painting your fingernails, be sure to leave the dominant one polish-free until you’ve wiped and pulled up your pants. Quickly wash your hand(s) and paint the nails on your designated wiping hand. Your tootsies and fingernails will be on fleek when you open the door and give in to your kids begging for a snack.
2. Change diapers: Your work in the bathroom inspire the baby to take a dump? No problem. Grab a diaper and a baby wipe from the stash on the sink, lay her on the semi-clean floor and get to work. It’s amazing how easy it is to do your chores while ensuring the baby doesn’t get diaper rash from crawling around in his own crap. Toss that dirty diaper in the trash and send your daughter on her merry way right out the bathroom door. Voila!
3. Have a heart to heart: Possible if no one follows you into the bathroom. This “talk” is most often conducted via text between you and your BFF. Sometimes it’s you apologizing for not being able to hang out as often as you used to before having kids; other times it’s her asking for your most honest opinion on a guy she recently started dating. These are meaningful conversations that need your full attention, which is only something you are able to give behind the closed bathroom door. (Sidenote: FaceTime should be avoided).
4. Impart valuable knowledge: So many important lessons can be taught while doing your business. One of these lessons includes boundaries. As in “No no, honey, we don’t touch someone’s vagina/penis/booty.”
Another lesson is on human anatomy: “Mommy, what’s that?” your daughter asks, pointing to your hoo-ha. “That is a vagina,” you explain.
“Oh, what’s that?” she asks, pointing to your boobs since your shirt is off so you can nurse the baby (also totally doable while on the toilet). “These,” you puff up your chest, “are breasts, and one day you will have some of your own.”
“Can I touch?” she asks. (Revisit the first lesson.)
5. Add to the To-Do list: This is your time to think, and most times your focus is on everything that has to get done before you feel like you’ve checked off several To-Dos from your endless list. Aside from hitting up Michaels for some arts and crafts and Pet Smart for the dog’s fresh breath treats, you also realize you need more toilet paper. Oh, and air freshener, toilet bowl cleaner and the latest issue of US Weekly.
6. Nap: Have you ever taken a quick 60-second power nap on the pot? It’s a must try. You can rest your elbow on your thighs and cradle your head or lay your head on the sink. Some parents may be able to sneak in a longer nap, but that’s usually the longest little kids can entertain themselves. Go ahead, try it.
Next time your partner accuses you of wasting time in the bathroom, show them your freshly painted nails or ask them to quiz your toddler on male and female genitalia. That will shut them up.
About Ambrosia Brody