Humor Life

Signs Your Partying Prime May Be Behind You

Let’s face it: Most of us can’t party like we used to, whether it’s because we’ve aged, had children, or landed grown up jobs.

Curious if you’ve hit that life milestone yet? Check out these signs your partying prime may be behind you to be sure.

You’re drunk after 2 beers or glasses of wine. You may have been the king or queen of beer bongin’ or shot slammin’ at one time, but now you find yourself crying into your bottle and professing your undying love to strangers merely an hour into your evening.

You find yourself regularly waking up at the same early morning hour you used to go to bed. Five a.m. was once the perfect time to pound that last pint, but today it’s the perfect point to get a head start on your day.

Your dining preferences at Denny’s have changed dramatically. Not only do your food runs no longer occur at 3 a.m., but they also don’t include public displays of nudity and drunken cackling when somebody orders the Moons Over My Hammy.

The year beneath the “You Must Be This Age To Purchase Alcohol” sign at the grocery store seems like it was just yesterday. You know it’s true: The older you get, the more you think 1990 was only 10  years ago.

Your idea of a wild night out is considerably different than it used to be.  There was a time when hitting the clubs until closing or being the last (wo)man standing at a house party made for a kick ass Friday night.  Now just making it to that new dinner joint everyone’s been talking about and catching a movie on opening night make you feel like a party animal.

You have pet names for your alcoholic beverages.  Things like “mommy juice” and “daddy’s special soda.”

You swear you saw your favorite bar hopping attire on the rack at Salvation Army.  You might have been quite the fashion icon at one point, but now college kids purchase the very same threads you once donned with pride to wear to decade-themed fraternity parties.

The music is too loud.  Yes, you may have earned a noise violation or two in your heyday, but today, everybody’s music is just too loud.  At the bar, the restaurant, and even the grocery store.  Everywhere you go, it’s Too.Damn.Loud.

Recovery takes 3 days.  You used to know your night out with the guys or girls was a blast if you woke up with a slight headache. Now a fun-filled night out spells 72 hours of homage to the porcelain god.