By Kristina Johnson of That Mommy Lady

Have you ever seen this Disney movie: a pretty girl meets a handsome dude bro, they fall in love, overcome some problems, and live happily ever after? You know which one I’m talking about, right?

Trick question! I’m talking about pretty much all of them.

To its credit, Disney has been somewhat receptive to criticism like this in recent years. Its newer films have featured more diverse princesses and plot lines. But I think what Disney really needs to do is update some of its classics. I have a few helpful suggestions to remake the princesses we know and love into strong female role models for a new generation of girls:

Beauty and the Beast: Belle calls the authorities when she realizes her father is being held hostage by Beast. Beast is sentenced to 25 to life. Belle, meanwhile, files a sexual harassment complaint against Gaston and takes out a restraining order for good measure.

Cinderella: Cinderella realizes that only strippers wear clear heels and that it’s ridiculous to waste her fairy godmother’s magic on an impractical dress and a rented pumpkin-mobile. She instead asks for her own apartment and cuts off all contact with her step-family when she moves out.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: Because Snow White is a grown ass woman smart enough not to take food from randos, she politely declines when she’s offered a poisoned apple. She later enters into a polyamorous relationship with several lovers (seven, to be exact).

Sleeping Beauty: Instead of listening to a bunch of fairies, Aurora’s parents decide to consult some actual doctors. A renowned neuroscientist diagnoses and successfully treats Aurora for a previously undetected sleep disorder.

The Little Mermaid: Ariel comes to her senses and realizes that while Eric is pretty hot, he’s not “give up literally your entire life” hot. King Triton, impressed with her maturity, decides to chill the fuck out and give her a little freedom.

Much better, don’t you think?

This post was originally published on That Mommy Lady.

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About the Author

Kristina Johnson is a new mom, writer, and TV producer living in New York City. Her interests include “sleeping when the baby sleeps” (so very little), books, Netflix (watched in increments of 3 to 5 minutes), and coming up with snarky responses to people who ask when she’s having baby #2. You can read more of her thoughts on pregnancy and parenthood at thatmommylady.com and follow Kristina on Twitter and Instagram.