If the Bard himself wrote for modern-day parents, he might write pieces like this. Go the fuck to sleep, Romeo and Juliet.
Humor Parenting

Shakespeare for Parents

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If the Bard himself wrote for modern-day parents, he might write pieces like this. Go the fuck to sleep, Romeo and Juliet.

By Samantha Taylor of Walking Outside in Slippers 

Star-crossed lovers. Mythical creatures. Epic grudges. Shakespeare’s works are full of love, drama, conflict and fantasy. Sounds a lot like parenthood, doesn’t it? In fact, one could make the case that some of Shakespeare’s most famous pieces are written about the roller-coaster ride that is rearing youngsters. Just look at these classics:

Hamlet Potty Trains:

To potty train or not, that is the question / Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer / The puddles of pee and nuggets of poo on the floor / Or to to take arms against a sea of judgy daycare moms / And by opposing them get death stares and risk a high schooler in a diaper.

The Cranky Parents of Venice:

If you poke us with your toy, do we not bleed and also curse? If you tickle us, do we not laugh and pee a little? If you pretend to poison us, do we not play dead while also scrolling Instagram on our phones? And if someone at school wrongs you, shall we not help you plot revenge on that little brat? Oh, hell yaaas.

As You Don’t Like It:

All the world’s a stage, and all the dads and moms merely players of Barbies and action figures. They have their exits to pretend to check something in the kitchen but really drink wine, and their entrances with a sigh and cracking knees as they sit down again. And one mom in her time playing braves many farts, but only kids denying they have to poop.

Twelfth Night Of The Flu:

Be not afraid of germs. Some are born with germs from Mom’s vag, some achieve bringing home an illness a month from school, and all parents have germs thrust upon ‘em and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it cuz kids.

Sticky Summer Sonnet 18:

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

Thou art more lovely and hotter tempered and exhausting, and you bring lots of bugs around and carry an expectation that I’ll play annoying games like tag, and like a summer day, I’m kind of over you and ready for a nap by 3 p.m.

Romeo and Juliet Need To Go To Freaking Sleep:

Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight til it be morrow because you won’t go to damn sleep no matter how many times I bring you water, make empty threats and sob inconsolably on the floor.

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About the Author

Samantha Taylor is a Cobb salad addict, mother of two in California, writer and communications professional whose humorous and honest essays on parenting have appeared in HuffPost Parents, Scary Mommy, Romper and Kveller. She is one of the “funny parents of Twitter”, and her Tweets and memes have been featured in HuffPost Parents, Scary Mommy, BuzzFeed, The Chive and Romper. Samantha can be found at her blog: walkingoutsideinslippers.wordpress.com on Facebook at facebook.com/walkingoutside/, on Instagram at www.instagram.com/walking_outsidde/ and on Twitter @WalkingOutside.