Hey, Judgy McJudgerson: STFU (a rant)

If you’ve been blogging for any amount of time (or reading blogs or listening to the media or venturing out of your home and into society), you’re likely familiar with Judgy McJudgerson.

S/he is the one who says you’re going to hell/are a terrible person/should go kill yourself immediately if you

  • are pro-life
  • are pro-choice
  • spank your kids
  • don’t spank your kids
  • breastfeed
  • don’t breastfeed
  • swear
  • don’t swear
  • think sex is funny
  • don’t think sex is funny and wear iron underpants
  • are homosexual
  • are bisexual
  • are heterosexual
  • are asexual
  • pay your taxes
  • don’t pay your taxes
  • find Taylor Swift’s music catchy
  • believe Taylor Swift is a government creation sent to brainwash us all

The thing about Judgey McJudgerson is s/he could be any one of us, but s/he isn’t, because instead of saving the judgement for conversations with co-workers and Skype sessions with longtime friends and personal blog posts like the rest of society, s/he goes out of the motherloving way to target individuals — strangers, no less, and in their own personal corners of the Internet — and tell them just how long and at what temperature they will burn in the everlasting flames.

Why is it that people feel licensed to come into somebody else’s home (i.e. his/her blog or website) and talk about how shitty they think it all is?  You wouldn’t walk into a neighbor’s house, eat up their appetizers and listen to their music and drink all their booze, and then tell them how gross their furniture choices are and, by the way, how much everyone in the hood thinks the wife’s a whore, would you?

So why do people think it’s acceptable to be rude on another person’s blog post or online news article?

Just the other day, I read a post on BlogHer where a woman poured her heart and soul into an open letter to mothers of mean girls in which she begged them to teach their children to be kind so that her own daughter didn’t have to suffer unspeakable bullying any longer.  And while many comments were supportive, MANY OTHERS blamed the mother for the child’s bullying and said it was all her fault because she didn’t homeschool.

Say WHAT?!

I have also recently received some blog comments that highlight this phenomenon.

Figure #1 (from The Non-Domestic Mom’s Guide to Hosting a Kid’s Birthday Party):

these suggestions would have been a lot nicer if it hadn’t been for the profanity and the need for alcohol at the end. as it is I wouldn’t share it vwith anyone. it takes away from your image as the kind of person much less parent that you would want to take any advise from. you might want to take that into consideration before you post anything else.

Oh, for Christ’s sake.  Really?  First of all, learn to capitalize and spell and recognize simple sarcasm when you see it.  Second, PLEASE DON’T SHARE.  I do not need any more people with their panties in a wad over here.  Third, what about my personality suggests I might actually take your advice?  This site is for fun people with a sense of humor.  If what you have to say is not productive or insightful, just move on.  Don’t comment, don’t share, don’t even give it a second thought.  Just.Move.On.

Figure #2 (from This is What They Don’t Tell You About Motherhood):

I am offended by the use of “god damned”.

me too.clean up your mouth.

Um, you have a choice whether or not to read the content.  No one forced you to come here, and certainly no one’s asking you to stay.  Perhaps cleaning up your crusty personality might help.

Figure #3 (from This is What They Don’t Tell You About Motherhood):

“You will never again be the same person you were before motherhood.  Say goodbye to her.  Her greatest successes and worst case scenarios pale in comparison to yours as a mother. “ THANK GOD I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON!

“You will look at bullies in public — both children and adults — and pray your child never falls victim to them or becomes one him or herself. “ I ALWAYS PRAYED MY CHILD WOULD NOT BE THE BULLY, WHICH TO ME IS FAR WORSE THAN BEING BULLIED AND HARDER TO OVERCOME.

“In a moment of weakness and delirium, you will find yourself wondering, in the midst of a four-hour scream fest in which no amount of breastfeeding or diaper changing or bathing or rocking will calm your child, why the hell you even bothered having this thing in the first place.  And you will instantly hate yourself for ever even thinking something so reprehensible. “ NINE CHILDREN AND NEVER thought of a baby or child as “this thing”. When the babies suffered it was never about me, it was about getting them through the moment. Like, heck, where else would I want to be than comforting my baby during their physical anguish, an anguish so intense Mommy could not ease it and all I had to give was comfort.

“You will feel immense guilt for everything from not breastfeeding long enough (or at all) to choosing to be a working mother.  No matter what decisions you make, the guilt will remain. “ THIS IS SO SAD to go through life always feeling guilty and no confidence in your decisions. Anything we do as moms we can look around and find a zillion examples of successes for doing whatever we are doing. Many adjusted adult out there that was breastfeed and many that were not. Same goes for working moms or not working moms. Surely, this is an exaggeration by the author? These decisions are for the physical, the tangible that we can see but they really are not the deal breaker for being a mom; decisions on how we influence their character, heart, and mind is motherhood. How would a mom guilty over all the little things effect their growing child’s non-physical development?

“You will learn that the advice to “enjoy these years, for they don’t last forever” is doled out by people who are old enough to have forgotten that not everything about these years is enjoyable. “ We haven’t forgotten that everything about those year is not enjoyable. We just did not translate “not enjoyable” or “hassle” or “wrought” or the”’work of a child” into a problem. We did not feel guilty when we did not have the answers or when we could not fix everything. This current generation of moms have been raised, for the most part in a system where the professionals and academia have subtly taught them, as small children on up, that the system is smarter than their parents and that is the purpose of education; to complete the child and fix what the parents are missing. As a result, you new moms do not go into this season of your life with confidence and purity. You were programmed that moms are not capable and are not in charge of their child. This generation of new moms go into it deeply-rooted that they can never be happy again once a child comes. The older generations went into it as the child completed their life; or at least added to it. Nothing was ‘given up’ but all was gained. We haven’t forgotten and because we have not forgotten the inner peace and joy we moms saw in each other we see your generation is missing a huge chunk of it. We are saying, “Slow down. Don’t worry. Be happy. Invest more time hearing yourself talk of the mundane joys of your life. It is not healthy for children to grow up with the undercurrent that they are a nuisance and SO much work and worry and guilty-inflicting.”

“You will come to realize everything that matters in the world sleeps just down the hall” SORRY, BUT EVERYTHING that matters in the world sleeps right next to me: My husband. He was my world before the children and is my world after the children are grown and gone. One might answer that not all have partners. True. But even then (as in my own mother’s life who became a widow) it is too much of a psychological burden to put on a child to be someone else’s whole world

GARBDRH.  Aren’t you the bestest, most perfect human being ever to grace the face of the Earth?

Just STFU if you don’t like something somebody else has said in his or her own house and don’t have anything to add to the conversation.  How hard is that?  Just Shut.The.Fuck.Up.

sigh I don’t understand people sometimes.  What helps is knowing that I have many readers who do leave supportive and constructive comments and knowing that there are many others out there who simply walk away when they don’t have anything of worth to add.


By Tania Saiz [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
By Tania Saiz [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons