MockMom

Relieved Father, Oliver the Giraffe, Will “Never Go Through That Whole Ordeal Again”

By Kaycee Jemp of Running Through Water

After three months and several false alarms, April the Giraffe finally gave birth to her calf today via live stream from Animal Adventure Park in New York State. Millions of people worldwide have tuned in over the past few months hoping to catch a glimpse of this miraculous event.

Weighing in at 150 lbs. and measuring 6 feet long, both mother and baby are resting and doing well, according to the facility’s zoo keeper. With April now resting and the veterinarians taking care of both mama and baby, Oliver, the father giraffe, is pleased to finally have some downtime.

“I’m never going through THAT again!” he mused, as he dug into his third bowl of twigs and leaves. “I heard nothing but complaining about how much her neck hurt, how swollen her hooves were and nag, nag, nag for the last year. It will be nice to have her do something around the pen for a change.”

Oliver says he doesn’t mind April being in the limelight for an amazing opportunity to broadcast such a unique event.

“At first she didn’t want to do it,” he told reporters. “When I heard about live streaming and all the money you can make by switching your account to ‘monetize,’ I just knew this was an opportunity we couldn’t pass up,” said the proud father. “I hear this internet thing is really taking off. She’ll get over it…all the way to the bank!”

When asked about how he felt about becoming a father, he winked and said, “I’ll let you know how I feel about it when the DNA testing comes back.” In the meantime, this little giraffe family can finally rest easy knowing they gave the world an unseeable moment of beauty.

“She’s quite a cow,” said Oliver. “What? Why are you looking at me like that? That is what females giraffes are called. Though it wouldn’t kill her to lose a few pounds.”

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About the Author

Kaycee Jemp is the alter ego to a much more responsible, respectable and professional writer who you can find over at www.runningthroughwater.com until she can come up with something more clever.