QUIZ: Which TV Mom Are You?

By Lola Lolita

Some of them we grew up watching. Others we’ve only recently met. Regardless, they’re the moms we’ve grown to love, flaws and all. They’re TV moms, and they embody everything we find lovable (and, yes, even cringeworthy) about ourselves. So which one are you?

My personal style is best described as...

A modest dress, heels, and makeup every day. Never yoga pants. I have self-respect, after all.

Sometimes I'm dressed up, other times it's jammies for dayyyyys. Depends on my mood (and how much sleep I've gotten).

Whatever's clean. Hey, I've got a lot of kids and responsibilities. Laundry ain't one of 'em.

Big hair, tight everything, 4" heels, bitches.

Correct!

Wrong!

My swearing policy in front of the kids is...

Yeah, I do it. What's the @#$*@% problem?

If I need to get someone's attention, you better believe I'll drop a well-placed swear bomb. But God help them if they do it in front of me.

I try not to, but hey. It happens. Nobody's perfect.

I. Would. Never. *clutches pearls*

Correct!

Wrong!

When it comes to home-cooked meals...

I'm no gourmet chef, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve and can do some heavenly things with a roast.

I can cook. Whether I feel like it or not is another issue.

We have one every night. It's the key to a solid family foundation.

What, like make it at home? Myself? HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Correct!

Wrong!

My kids go to school every day...

With mismatched socks and possibly yesterday's underwear. But they're clothed and vaguely presentable.

They do? I wouldn't know.

Freshly showered, combed, manicured, and dressed to the nines. I make sure of it.

Washed up and in clean clothes. How they choose to put themselves together, though, is up to them.

Correct!

Wrong!

When it comes to family finances...

We're just one bounced check away from bankruptcy, but we make it work.

I ensure we're spending wisely and saving for the future.

I'm good at hiding the online purchases and lunchtime shopping sprees we definitely can't afford.

Oh, my husband takes care of all that.

Correct!

Wrong!

As far as cleaning house goes...

Everybody best pick up after themselves. If they enjoy living here.

Mine is immaculate. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

We do our best, but life's busy; we're not opposed to hiring in help from time to time.

I'm pretty sure I've lost a kid in one of these piles of junk lying around here. It's OK. We don't miss him. Much.

Correct!

Wrong!

If one of my kids got caught drinking or drugging...

They wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. Spare the rod, spoil the child.

We'd have a stern but respectful family talk and hug it out afterward.

There would be serious consequences. They'd be confined to their room with no TV, no phone, no tablet until I'm sure they've learned their lesson.

I'd join in. I've been looking for a party buddy anyway.

Correct!

Wrong!

At parent/teacher conferences, I typically...

Listen politely and address any concerns/questions respectfully yet sternly when need be.

Make sure the teacher knows exactly how we nurture our special snowflake at home.

Down a bottle of wine beforehand and strut in wearing my raddest leopard print leggings.

Don't hold back. If I've got a problem, somebody's gonna hear about it.

Correct!

Wrong!

My kids' downtime is usually spent...

Doing chores or getting a job. This housework and these bills don't do/pay themselves.

With a healthy balance of activity and relaxation.

Baking, crafting, taking piano lessons, playing sports, etc. I believe in a well-rounded lifestyle.

On electronics? Sleeping? I actually have no idea.

Correct!

Wrong!

My last vacation was...

A much-needed trip away with my significant other or a friend.

To the mall. A girl's gotta look good.

A well-planned family vacation filled with lots of bonding time and educational activities.

LOLOLOL. What's a vacation?

Correct!

Wrong!

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Which TV Mom Are You?

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*****

About the Author

Lola Lolita is the founder and editor-in-chief of Sammiches and Psych Meds and its satirical division, MockMom. Follow along on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

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