QUIZ: Which TV Mom Are You?

By Lola Lolita

Some of them we grew up watching. Others we’ve only recently met. Regardless, they’re the moms we’ve grown to love, flaws and all. They’re TV moms, and they embody everything we find lovable (and, yes, even cringeworthy) about ourselves. So which one are you?

My personal style is best described as...

Big hair, tight everything, 4" heels, bitches.

Whatever's clean. Hey, I've got a lot of kids and responsibilities. Laundry ain't one of 'em.

A modest dress, heels, and makeup every day. Never yoga pants. I have self-respect, after all.

Sometimes I'm dressed up, other times it's jammies for dayyyyys. Depends on my mood (and how much sleep I've gotten).

Correct!

Wrong!

My swearing policy in front of the kids is...

If I need to get someone's attention, you better believe I'll drop a well-placed swear bomb. But God help them if they do it in front of me.

Yeah, I do it. What's the @#$*@% problem?

I try not to, but hey. It happens. Nobody's perfect.

I. Would. Never. *clutches pearls*

Correct!

Wrong!

When it comes to home-cooked meals...

What, like make it at home? Myself? HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I can cook. Whether I feel like it or not is another issue.

I'm no gourmet chef, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve and can do some heavenly things with a roast.

We have one every night. It's the key to a solid family foundation.

Correct!

Wrong!

My kids go to school every day...

They do? I wouldn't know.

With mismatched socks and possibly yesterday's underwear. But they're clothed and vaguely presentable.

Washed up and in clean clothes. How they choose to put themselves together, though, is up to them.

Freshly showered, combed, manicured, and dressed to the nines. I make sure of it.

Correct!

Wrong!

When it comes to family finances...

Oh, my husband takes care of all that.

We're just one bounced check away from bankruptcy, but we make it work.

I'm good at hiding the online purchases and lunchtime shopping sprees we definitely can't afford.

I ensure we're spending wisely and saving for the future.

Correct!

Wrong!

As far as cleaning house goes...

We do our best, but life's busy; we're not opposed to hiring in help from time to time.

Mine is immaculate. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

I'm pretty sure I've lost a kid in one of these piles of junk lying around here. It's OK. We don't miss him. Much.

Everybody best pick up after themselves. If they enjoy living here.

Correct!

Wrong!

If one of my kids got caught drinking or drugging...

We'd have a stern but respectful family talk and hug it out afterward.

I'd join in. I've been looking for a party buddy anyway.

They wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. Spare the rod, spoil the child.

There would be serious consequences. They'd be confined to their room with no TV, no phone, no tablet until I'm sure they've learned their lesson.

Correct!

Wrong!

At parent/teacher conferences, I typically...

Listen politely and address any concerns/questions respectfully yet sternly when need be.

Make sure the teacher knows exactly how we nurture our special snowflake at home.

Down a bottle of wine beforehand and strut in wearing my raddest leopard print leggings.

Don't hold back. If I've got a problem, somebody's gonna hear about it.

Correct!

Wrong!

My kids' downtime is usually spent...

Doing chores or getting a job. This housework and these bills don't do/pay themselves.

Baking, crafting, taking piano lessons, playing sports, etc. I believe in a well-rounded lifestyle.

On electronics? Sleeping? I actually have no idea.

With a healthy balance of activity and relaxation.

Correct!

Wrong!

My last vacation was...

To the mall. A girl's gotta look good.

LOLOLOL. What's a vacation?

A much-needed trip away with my significant other or a friend.

A well-planned family vacation filled with lots of bonding time and educational activities.

Correct!

Wrong!

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Which TV Mom Are You?

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*****

About the Author

Lola Lolita is the founder and editor-in-chief of Sammiches and Psych Meds and its satirical division, MockMom. Follow along on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

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