By Allee Moore of Griselda Mood.
I don’t even know where my actual master’s degree is. That very expensive thin piece of paper with Old English font telling the entire world that I am a master of some subject that I paid tens of thousands of dollars to learn about. I remember skipping my graduation ceremony only to have the UPS guy slam my degree on the porch like he was delivering a used Harlequin romance book. That was my master’s degree, sir! Something I worked so hard to obtain and something that I will spend the rest of my life putting to good, hard use.
Then I had kids.
I’m currently a stay-at-home mom who has neglected academia in favor of ABC songs on repeat and caterpillar finger paints. But just because I’m not formally putting my degree to use in an office doesn’t mean that my educational tools are becoming rusty. In fact, I’m pretty sure having a degree has made me a profoundly more interesting, accepting and skilled parent. Who says that classroom experience doesn’t translate into raising children?
Here’s how my formal education has prepared me for motherhood…
Education: Two semesters of college math
Motherhood Use: I can sufficiently run the plastic toy cash register in our pretend store because no one else in this house knows how to count. You can rely on me, and only me, to give you the correct change when buying wooden pieces of bread and empty cans of soup.
Education: Introduction to Theatre 101 course
Motherhood Use: This class taught me the power of improvisation. Every mom should be equipped to perform scenes from Beauty and the Beast with only a spatula, a pink tutu, a children’s chef hat and a zebra print blanket.
Education: Expressionist Art class
Motherhood Use: Without this class, I may have looked at my daughter’s “painting” and think that she is a crazed lunatic who can’t paint a coherent picture. But with this class in my back pocket? She’s expressing her inner dialogue of angst and frustration. It’s actually a Jackson Pollock masterpiece worthy of selling on e-Bay.
Education: Two semesters of yoga to fulfill a physical education requirement
Motherhood Use: Deep breathing and peaceful thoughts come in handy when I’m trying to put my daughter in her car seat and she’s screaming like I’m putting her on a bed of nails while my son’s poop diaper is simultaneously leaking all over my new white shirt. Namaste.
Education: Nutrition 101 combined with a 3-hour weekly lab
Motherhood Use: I can now expertly conclude that most of the crap that I feed to my children is indeed actual crap. But who doesn’t love red dye number 5 and frozen chicken nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs?
Education: Modern Chinese History course
Motherhood Use: My history professor made us memorize the provinces and capitals in all of China. I can now laugh when my daughter wants to challenge me to a friendly game of “Memory.”
Education: A major in history
Motherhood Use: You know what puts a toddler right to sleep? A casual bedtime story about how the Declaration of Independence was drafted or how Russia’s collectivization plans were completely disastrous for their peasant population.
Education: Creative Writing course
Motherhood Use: This class may not directly influence my parenting, but it gave me the skills to write and document all the crazy memories that motherhood provides—the good, the bad and the ugly. Although, it doesn’t take much creativity to write about motherhood, since reality is far more laughable and fascinating than fiction.
This certainly isn’t the way I envisioned using my degree, but I also never imagined a “job” that entailed shit-stained clothes and reading Green Eggs and Ham 38 times a day. Somewhere, my college advisor must be so proud.
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About Allee Moore
Allee is a two-time mom to a 2-year-old daughter and baby boy. She’s a wife, teacher, hater of all domestic related duties, lover of all baked goods and an avid runner (albeit with no real skill). She has entirely too much sass and sarcasm that can be found on her blog, Griselda Mood.