A poll of 1,000 British men commissioned by Pebble Grey, a bathroom company out of the UK, found that men spend a total of 7 hours per year in the loo, a third of whom admit to slinking in there to escape their families and get some peace and quiet.
The most shocking part of these findings? That the men only racked up a total of 7 hours in there. PER YEAR.
I don’t know who these men are that the researchers surveyed, but I can tell you with almost certainty that my husband spends close to 7 hours in the bathroom PER WEEK. Or at least it feels that way sometimes.
So what are they doing in there? Besides shirking bedtime duty, of course?
Aside from soaking up general quiet time, most admitted to avoiding chores, looking at screens uninterrupted, reading magazines, eating food (!!!), and escaping a “nagging” spouse. (Well, maybe if you didn’t run to the bathroom every 5 minutes and took care of your to-do list instead for once, she wouldn’t have to “nag” you about it. Ever think of that, GARY, huh?)
The silver lining to all this, I guess, is that, undoubtedly like their spouses, they don’t actually get to enjoy their solitude all that much.
Most of the men polled said they were likely to be interrupted by spouses and children while in there, with 45 percent of them lamenting that getting any time alone is difficult and 25 percent stating their spouses don’t appreciate how busy they are.
WELL, WELCOME TO THE CLUB, FELLAS. Men: They’re just like moms. But with penises. And apparently enough foodstuffs stashed in the linen closet to furnish a tailgate. (SO THAT’S WHERE THOSE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES WE WERE HIDING DISAPPEARED TO. Bastards.)
In all seriousness, I get it. I’d hide in the bathroom for 7 hours per day if I could. Alas, I’ve got bills to pay and butts to wipe and food to add to the grocery list since Daddy is putting it in the makeshift cooler he fashioned out of dental floss and the toilet tank.
Tell you what, guys. Let’s make a pact. You get to perch on the porcelain pot uninterrupted if you let me do the same in the laundry room closet. And share your snacks. Obviously.