Parenting

No, My Child Will NOT Be Going in a Public Restroom Alone

America, we have a bathroom problem.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I’ll tell you that I’m personally in favor of unisex public restrooms. I see no need to make peeing more difficult than it has to be. I avoid public restrooms on the whole because I think they’re gross. But when you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go, and I really don’t care what kind of human being is in the next stall over.

But I’m not going to get into that today, because I’m sure we’re going to be stuck with the current system for a long time. For now I’ll just be grateful women have access to public toilets at all.

No, today I want to focus on where my child pees.

We were at a basketball practice last week and he had to go. I saw his seven-year-old “potty dance”—it’s not too different from the one he did when he was two—and I knew I had to act.  I stealthily crossed the court, grabbed his hand, and dragged him to the closest bathroom.

We were in a private athletic club and the bathrooms were cavernous. I didn’t even think about letting him go by himself. No way.

Am I a helicopter parent? Ha! Not one bit. Just ask the school librarian, the after-care teacher, the cafeteria head…I can’t manage to pay those bills on time, let alone show concern about what my kid reads and eats.

But am I going to send him into a giant bathroom in a strange place all alone? Nope. I can’t do it.

So when I saw the sign that said, “Children over 5 should use the same-sex locker room,” I breezed right by it. I honestly don’t care if a 55-year-old woman feels threatened by my kid. He’s a child and he’s my responsibility.



And it’s not that I think he’s going to be abducted or assaulted for using the men’s room. That’s highly unlikely. It’s just that I’m his mom.

I wouldn’t send him into a mall or a restaurant by himself. I’d be arrested if I left him in a car alone. I wouldn’t let him stay home alone (unless I’m trying to prove a point because he’s taking forever to get ready to go and I just drove around the block, I swear, officer, please don’t arrest me).

So no. He’s not going in the men’s room alone. And he’s not going to attack any women. At least not while I’m with him.

And as long as he’s my child and in my care, he’ll be going where I think he should go, regardless of the quality of the sign on the door.