By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama
Today, White House Press Secretary and sad, broken man Sean Spicer held an audio-only briefing for the press.
The reasoning for the audio-only briefing is still unclear, but it’s been speculated that Spicer didn’t want the public to see him sweat, or his exaggerated use of the jack-off motion, as he desperately tried to spin Trump’s recent disclosure of confidential information to Russian envoys.
Spicer’s exact location was never disclosed, although he did assure the press on several occasions that he was neither “in” nor “among” the bushes.
In the last few weeks, the Trump administration has threatened to cancel press conferences altogether. Spicer told the press during today’s briefing that they were lucky to get any information at all, adding that he “definitely wasn’t hiding right behind the curtain either.”
This administration has had a notoriously rocky relationship with the press and has vowed to make briefings more obscure moving forward.
Their next press briefing will be given using Morse code: a series of long and short signals. It has not yet been specified whether Spicer will deliver the Morse code via light or sound, but they’re hopeful that using a series of dots and dashes to communicate will be easier than having to defend Trump’s looming impeachment proceedings using actual English.
The White House is considering other forms of communication for future press conferences, including interpretive dance, miming, and Kabuki theater. Noting that some answers to questions might still be understood using these methods, they’re strongly considering switching to smoke signals instead.
*Special thanks to Lola Lolita of Sammiches & Psych Meds for coming up with the hilarious concept for this piece
About the Author
Joanna McClanahan is an Editor at MockMom. She’s also a Contributor at Sammiches & Psych Meds and has been published on Scary Mommy. You can find more from her on RamblinMama.com, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.