Father/daughter relationships can be tough. But despite my strained relationship with my father, I have realized he just may deserve better than the world's okayest daughter.
Life Parenting

My Dad Deserves Better Than the World’s Okayest Daughter

Father/daughter relationships can be tough. But despite my strained relationship with my father, I have realized he just may deserve better than the world's okayest daughter.

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By Holley of Chasing Destino

I don’t talk about my dad very often.  Today might be last time that I write a post about him. I never know how things will go with my dad.

When I was growing up and through college, my dad was a great dad. He was the best dad a girl could hope to have.  He chased me through a strawberry field once and did not scold me too harshly. He should have grounded me for a week, but I was four, so he was much more forgiving.

Unfortunately, we had a huge falling out about ten years ago. I told him how hurt and angry I was about the situation. I am not without fault in this scenario. I let my emotions get the better of me for whatever reason.

If your dad is like my dad, he is not so great about telling anyone how he feels or what he thinks. My dad would tell me all day and into the night what he thinks about education, religion, sports and everything else.  When it comes to feelings, all I hear is silence and at least a change of topic.

It hasn’t been the same since that time of the falling out. We’ve gone for years at a time without talking. I usually call him. He never calls me. He never sends me a birthday card. His step-daughters don’t invite me to his birthday parties.

I could forgive all of that eventually. But there are two things that I’ve had difficulty understanding.

The thing that I don’t understand is why he never sends my youngest daughter a birthday card. He didn’t visit her in the hospital when she was born. He didn’t visit after she came home. He has only seen her two or three times. She’s seven years old. It seems like his relationship is different with my other kids. He has been in their lives on a more regular basis.

The other thing I don’t understand is why he doesn’t want my youngest daughter and I around. I suspect that I remind him that he’s not perfect. It could be that maybe he thinks I’m a reflection of a failure on his part.

Ten years ago, I was brutally honest with him about how I feel and what I think. If there is something I did ten years ago or six years ago, I want to know.

My mom, who is not my dad’s biggest fan, wants me to talk to him and figure out how to mend fences. I’ve done that several times. I feel like I try to get back on track with my dad and then . . . silence. So as of the other day, it had been over a year since we had spoken.

We definitely have a failure to communicate on the most basic level.

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I don’t think my dad is a bad man. We just don’t understand each other all of the time.

I’ve heard through the grapevine that he hasn’t been well. So I called him for the first time in over a year. I was doing the dishes and knew that I needed to call him immediately.

I had to call someone else to find his phone number. Sad, right? When I called him the last time, I had a different phone.

He indeed has not been well. He’s had a series of mini-strokes.

I was going to ask him questions about why he never calls or if he’s mad at me. I did not. None of those questions seemed important anymore. I was glad that I called. Maybe I can feel less stressed about our relationship. Maybe it’s not me. Maybe it’s just how he is. Maybe I’ve been a big crybaby for no real reason.

He talked to me for at least an hour. It might have been two.

So that’s where we are right now. Maybe we’ll have lunch sometime. Maybe not. But I do know this:

I will try to be better than just the “world’s okayest daughter.”


About Holley

Mom of 3 chicks who love superheroes and video games. Writer of all things rock and roll, Wonder Woman and bucket lists.Survivor of domestic abuse and severe depression. These days, you can find me at a concert or just dancing around my house. If I’m not there, try all of the following places! Life is good, right?!