MockMom

Mother Agrees to Playdate Against Better Judgment

About the Author Rhiannon Giles is an overwhelmed mother who only occasionally considers giving her children to the circus. She has a sarcasm problem and writes regularly at rhiyaya.com. To keep up with new posts and see some of her favorites, join her on Facebook and Twitter.

By Rhiannon Giles of rhiyaya.com

Durham, NC — A distraught local mother has barricaded herself in the bathroom of a nearby Chuck E. Cheese for over an hour. Authorities were alerted to the most recent disappearance of Ruby Grace when she refused to exit the third stall from the left.

“I thought she might be sick. Like, maybe she had eaten a bad churro or something,” restaurant manager Cody Walters said. “Why do we even sell churros at a pizza place?”

Clara Bartock, who was on a playdate with Grace and her eldest daughter, said Grace arrived at the restaurant at approximately 6:25 p.m. At 6:45 p.m., Bartock reports that her friend started acting unusual.

“She just seemed very on edge the whole time,” Bartock explained. “She glared whenever the video game next to us offered to make her a winner. A muscle under her right eye was starting to twitch, too.

“I thought maybe she was bored or something, so I figured I would do her a favor and talk more and in a louder voice. It seemed to be working, because she got a glazed-over look in her eyes, like she was just really enjoying herself, you know?”

At 7:05 p.m. Grace was seen walking to the restroom, saying, “It’s almost time, kids!” in a sarcastic tone. Other parents have described hearing her growl, “…to stab a rat.”

“I sent her daughter in to keep her company. I knew that would help, because what mother doesn’t want to chat with her kids while she uses the bathroom?” Bartock said.

When little Eliza failed, Walters was sent into the room, where he says Grace assaulted him with game tickets, saying, “Master Ticket Blaster is making it rain, bitch!”

“Who let an introvert in here in the first place?” Walters said, pointing over his shoulder to a large sign of Sir Cheese warning introverts of possible side effects, including sardonic humor and breaks from reality. “On the bright side, I can get the high-bounce ball and stale tootsie pops I’ve had my eye on.”

Asked when she planned to come out, Grace replied, “Never. I live here now.”

9:45 p.m. update: Local mother and possibly mentally-unstable introvert, Ruby Grace, is reported to have finally exited the third stall from the left soon after closing time. Walters said she stumbled out of the bathroom sighing, “Finally, silence in the restaurant!”

“Maybe she didn’t know we were closed yet, because she kept asking, ‘Hey! Who turned out the lights?’ But she seemed OK after a shot of vodka and some churros.”

When asked about her mental breakdown, Grace replied, “There was so much noise that I couldn’t hear myself think. Just when I thought I might actually lose it and start breaking shit with the whack-a-mole mallet, Clara started talking even louder. I decided it was better to be on the news for locking myself up in the bathroom than for murder in a Chuck E. Cheese. It may be a place where a kid can be a kid, but it is not a place for introverts.”

When asked for a comment, Bartock added, “Next time we’ll go to the library or something.”

*****

About the Author

Rhiannon Giles is an overwhelmed mother who only occasionally considers giving her children to the circus. She has a sarcasm problem and writes regularly at rhiyaya.com. To keep up with new posts and see some of her favorites, join her on Facebook and Twitter.