MockMom

Mom Thwarts Home Invasion With Popsicles

By Janet Eve Josselyn

A Boston mother says she is lucky she didn’t have a heart attack during an attempted home invasion last week. Ann Smith, mother of 5-year-old Brian, was picking up toys in her family room when the front door was suddenly opened, revealing a marauding gang of filthy 5-year-olds.

“There must have been four or five of them, all jockeying to get into the house first by pushing and shoving each other out of the way,” Mrs. Smith exclaimed. “I was so afraid they were going to get inside and put their sticky fingers all over the furniture and track mud in on their shoes.”

But according to Mrs. Smith, the scariest part was when she realized that her son Brian was one of the invaders.

“Thank goodness I knew about Stockholm Syndrome from a book I’d read about Patty Hearst. My son Brian must have identified with the hungry invaders who were all yelling that they wanted something to eat and so he willingly went along with the home invasion.”

Quick thinking on Ann Smith’s part foiled the marauders. She raced to the freezer and threw a whole box of popsicles out the door onto the lawn. The sight of the toxic-colored frozen treats flying through the air caused the gang to reverse direction, giving Mrs. Smith the opportunity to lock the door.

Safely inside, she collapsed onto the sofa, grateful she had purchased the popsicles earlier that day, even though they weren’t on sale.

*****

About the Author

Janet Eve Josselyn is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post. Her writing has also appeared in Parent.co, BLUNTmoms, The Satirist and Sammiches and Psych Meds. She graduated from Colby College, Harvard Graduate School of Design and Boston College Law School. She toiled for years as a litigator at a Boston law firm that is no longer in business. Prior to her meteoric rise in the law, she worked as an architect in Boston, designing some pretty hideous buildings that have probably been torn down by now. Her novel, Thin Rich Bitches, is set in the town where she lives which explains why she has no friends.