A suburban mom, Melissa McGuire, has taken the instant pot craze to a new level. So much so that she has the whole world wondering if limits can even be placed on an instant pot’s potential and capabilities.
Melissa’s story starts like many others. She received an instant pot as a gift from her husband, after many hints that included detailed text messages, emails, Instagram photos, and multiple Facebook posts.
Her husband, Shane, got the message(s) and purchased an instant pot on Christmas Eve, just hours before all gifts had to be placed under the family’s tree. Fortunately, he found a black garbage bag to use as wrapping and was able to borrow a hair bow from his four-year-old daughter to complete the packaged look.
“I pretty much nailed it,” acknowledged Shane when asked about his gift-giving skills.
Since receiving her instant pot, Melissa has been using it to cook breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, and desserts. Her family has feasted on high-pressure cooked frozen beef turned savory meatloaf, as well as lump-free mashed potatoes that took less than 20 minutes to prepare.
“I’ve made my own vat of yogurt that as long as it doesn’t spoil, could feed us for weeks,” remarked Melissa, who also high-pressure cooked a pomegranate crème brûlée that no one in her family would eat because they prefer Oreo cookies.
After a month of instant pot meal prepping, Melissa began to wonder what else her newfound cooking machine could do within her household. Cleaning was an obvious choice, so Melissa began using her instant pot as a dishwasher to steam polish dinnerware.
“I no longer scrub plates because the instant pot will pressure cook off the baked-on crust and crumbs,” stated Melissa, who acknowledged she could just use her actual dishwasher, but then said, “Where is the fun in that?”
Washing dishes led Melissa to start using the instant pot for laundry. Soaking is done in the stainless steel pot and the manual high pressure function attacks soiled pants and shorts to effectively get out grass stains with no hassle.
Well, no hassle except Melissa now has to do 20 loads of laundry a day versus two due to the instant pot being much, much smaller than her high-efficiency washer. The bright side is that the quick release valve works as a sort-of steam cleaner to rid clothes of wrinkles. This substitute ironing method has resulted in only a few first-degree burns to Melissa’s forearms and wrists.
“I started thinking much bigger after using the instant pot for household chores. I now use it to steam clean my family’s toothbrushes. Our dental hygiene has never been better. We may even stop going to the dentist and put those dental premium fees towards the purchase of more instant pots,” the mother of two remarked proudly.
Another way Melissa is thinking bigger with her instant pot is from a global perspective when it comes to her carbon footprint. She has started melting down crayons with the saute function, so they can be turned into candles. The family now uses candle lighting instead of hanging lights and lamps in the home.
“We will never again buy light bulbs and our electric bill is going down.” Staying with the save the planet theme, Melissa also started trying to recycle plastic in her own unique way. Instead of taking plastics to a recycling center, she melts them down to almost molecule status in her instant pot.
When asked if she was afraid of harmful fumes or residues, she quickly explained, “I own a Himalayan rock salt lamp, which takes care of all negative thoughts and odors. So we are all good here!”
It is almost as if the instant pot has become a member of the family, much to the dismay of Melissa’s preschooler Sophia and one-year-old Daisy. The youngest got so jealous of the instant pot that she potty trained herself to try and win back some glory. Sophia has taken to tattling on the instant pot whenever she is blamed for something. Last week the instant pot was named as a culprit for spilling the 4-year-old’s milk and also for writing Sophia’s initials all over the bathroom wall in permanent marker.
When asked about these allegations, both daughters had no comment. Melissa’s Roomba, a robotic vacuum, is rumored to talk and take orders from the instant pot, which may explain why the kitchen is now the only room with a clean floor.
There is also neighborhood gossip speculating that the instant pot communicates with the family’s Alexa via a Morse-code pattern that can be heard at a high frequency when doing a quick release of pressure steam.
However, whenever Melissa was asked about these crazy phenomena, the lights in the house flickered in a distracting and creepy way, which ultimately ended the line of questioning.
The instant pot craze has impacted Melissa’s life so much that her family takes it with them while traveling. She was quoted as saying, “I can’t imagine going a day without it, even during vacations. This means we can only go to ‘instant pot friendly’ destinations.”
Therefore, the family plans to no longer visit beaches, campgrounds, Disney World, Mall of America, Lego Land, Washington DC, or any local, county, or state fairgrounds. As the interview was wrapping up, Sophia blamed the instant pot for accidentally throwing a snowball through the front window.
“No worries, honey,” said Melissa. “I will just make a new glass pane by pressure cooking sand from the sandbox.”
There really is no stopping Melissa and her instant pot.
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