By Danielle Silverstein of Where The Eff Is My Handbook
Last week, one woman succeeded in doing what most moms only dream about: Sadie Mays, a rocket scientist turned SAHM, cloned herself.
“After feeling completely overwhelmed, I decided to use the technology I had learned at MIT to help solve my problems,” says Mays. Mays won’t reveal how she copied her DNA, stating that it was actually a huge mistake.
“Sure, at first it seemed like the smartest thing in the world: an extra human to help with laundry, cleaning, and homework. I can’t count how many times I’ve said, ‘If only I could clone myself.’ But I hadn’t taken into account that I actually hate doing all that shit, so my clone would hate it, too. In theory it was going to be great. In actuality, it was just another ‘me’ walking around, muttering obscenities under my breath and pretending to nap when I was supposed to be doing housework.
“On top of it, the bitch got chilly easily just like I do, so she would wear three layers of clothing which added to the never-ending mound of laundry in my house. She also ate like a racehorse and drank gallons of my expensive coffee.”
Sadie Mays says that after two days of having the clone living with her, she realized that this wasn’t going to work. “I mean, I would sit to binge watch a show, and she would be there. I would read, and she would be there. She didn’t do housework, she just vegged! I was like, ‘Honey, that’s MY thing.’ And then I remembered, ‘Oh snap, she is me.’
“It was a total nightmare. And what could I do? I couldn’t kill her. Right? There wasn’t some box I could just put her back in. So, she’s currently on Craigslist but I have yet to get any offers. I’m hoping that someone will see that she has other value to her. I’m actually really good at fixing things and have extensive knowledge in science. Someone will want that, right? Please, tell me someone will…”
In the meantime, Sadie said her teenage kids are miserable.
“Sure, maybe if I had babies it would be helpful. But my kids already hate me and barely want me to speak, and now there are two of me to hate. And don’t get me started on my husband; now he has two women in the house addicted to Amazon and Target, and two women complaining every night that they have a headache.”
We’re hoping Sadie Mays gets someone to take her clone soon. If you’re interested, visit Craigslist and search “I hate myself…literally.”
About the Author