Today Netflix releases Michael Bolton’s Big Sexy Valentine’s Day Special. The singer, whose career seemed to jump the shark in the 1990s, is making a comeback. It’s a renaissance of sorts–a Michael metamorphosis.
When we think of Michael Bolton, many of us recall a Kermit-voiced, labradoodle-maned crooner who sang “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?”
I suppose “sang” is a generous description, since his vocal articulation was more like a crying man choking on a turkey leg in agony that would suggest he was not, in fact, supposed to live at all, since his listeners continued to ignore his obvious need for the Heimlich maneuver.
Bolton can best be described as MacGyver meets electrocution.
Self-tanner meets seduction.
Adult-contemporary meets The Men’s Wearhouse.
A scullet with shoulder pads that Just. Won’t. Quit.
Well, guess what, y’all? He’s in on the joke.
Michael Bolton understands that his heavy-handed love ballads of the 1990s have drifted into the campy territory over the years, and he has a sense of humor about it. He’s gone full-blown, self-deprecating comedy in his new Netflix Valentine’s special, teaming up with the kings of spoofs: The Lonely Island, Andy Samberg, and Fred Armisen.
The special will have his old hits interspersed with gag songs such as “Jack Sparrow”– a slow jam complete with interpretive dancing pirates.
It takes confidence and wit for a 63-year-old man to make fun of himself, and I never thought I’d say this, but I’m digging it. There’s nothing sexier than a man who can make you laugh.
That’s right, folks, I officially have a crush on Michael “Scarecrow Hair” Bolton.
This Valentine’s day, I’ll be tuning in for sure, because burying my face in a vat of ice cream while I watch Netflix sounds like heaven. Netflix, you get me. You just get me. I want Hagen Daz and Michael Bolton awkwardly swaying with 100 Jack Sparrows and Andy Samberg doing a Kenny G impression.
The special will even have guest appearances by the hilarious Sarah Silverman and Maya Rudolph. I love those ladies! (But not in “that” way, because apparently, I’m saving myself for Michael Bolton now.)