By Chad Baudet
First of all, I want to say right off the bat that I think you mothers are awesome. I mean, wow, you gave birth to a child, or maybe more than one. As a man, I’ve been told that I shouldn’t try to relate any of my experiences to childbirth, but we’re all friends, so I’m sure you won’t be offended like the rest of them.
If you didn’t know, I played a little football back in the day, and in my junior year at Morehead State (GO EAGLES!) I ruptured my ACL. I had to have surgery to repair the ligament, and was laid up for 6 weeks recovering. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to put 2 and 2 together here. Surgery; 6 week recovery time; leisure career all but over. The only difference is I didn’t have some fancy government program to ensure I had the time off. In fact, I was fired from my job at the car wash, which was a pretty sweet gig. Anyway, basically the same thing.
So that whole story was just so you understand, hey, I’m on your side. I’m cool. I’m hip. I. Am. Down. I want you to enjoy the celebration of Mother’s Day. You deserve it. I do want to add, though, that I don’t quite feel like men get the credit they deserve for their role in the day. Now that the day is officially over, I think we can all just take a step back and agree that men do A LOT on Mother’s Day.
First of all, think of all the chores men do to give you a chance to kick your feet up. The cooking and cleaning, not to mention taking care of the children. These are all traditionally woman jobs. I don’t even think men are biologically equipped to do these tasks efficiently (I think it’s something about muscle mass).
Think about if women did all the man jobs on Father’s Day. I know this will have to be hypothetical, but just try to imagine.
Say you pulled out the chainsaw, the lawnmower, and the hammer. You’d just be staring at them, not knowing what to do. It’s like, where do you even start?
But on Mother’s Day, somehow your man pulled together an incredible breakfast in bed followed by a thorough cleaning of the dishes. After that he probably picked up the slack on some of the house cleaning as you laid in bed scrolling your socials (you deserved it!). Meanwhile, he was doing this with whirling dervishes gnawing at his legs, as he successfully cooked, cleaned, AND babysat.
Consider the gift situation. For Father’s Day, all you have to do is get him a tool set. It doesn’t even matter if he already has it; he can always use more tools. Easy. But for Mother’s Day? Where does he begin?
First, he has to pick out the perfect flowers. Depending on what kind of lady you are (or where you happen to be on your cycle), they may have to be your favorite flowers, or possibly the same flowers as he brought to you on your first date! That’s just the beginning.
If he wants to get you clothes, they have to be the right size. I mean, ask yourself, would you be happy with an oversized AC/DC shirt he got in the clearance section at Target? I didn’t think so. You know who would be happy? Men.
And after spending his entire day, neglecting his own wants and needs, your man is tired and sore. All he wants to do is sit down, crack a beer, and watch some football. But can he do that? NO! Because Mother’s Day is in May, and it’s the off-season.
Your man never once complains. Sure, that might be because he understands your dynamic, and knows that a complaint would mean waking up with his member chopped off as you’re joyriding down the road waving it out the window. But also it’s because he knows you deserve it. One day a year that celebrates mothers and all that they do.
So I hope you enjoyed your Sunday. Now that it’s over, let’s all take a minute to acknowledge all the hard work men put into making your day perfect. It wasn’t easy, you know. This guy gets it:
My thumb is sore from smashing the like button on all these mom pics
— Bottlerocket (@bottlerocket) May 10, 2020
About the Author
Chad Baudet could have been a brilliant Football champ but instead he’s an unrepentant dick and a Chad of the highest order.