Kids love Christmas. The presents, the … well, pretty much the presents. But do they really know the true story behind Christmas?

Jimmy Kimmel set out to discover just that, sending staff to interview children to find out what they know about the true meaning of the holiday in a segment titled “Kids Tell the Story of Christmas,” and their responses are both hilarious and adorable.

While some of the responses are pretty accurate — the little boy’s rendition of how the three wise kings brought baby Jesus frankincense and myrrh, for example — most couldn’t be more off base.

For example, did you know Jack the Skeleton Guy from The Nightmare Before Christmas was born on the first Christmas? I didn’t.

And how about the fact that the Virgin Mary was Jesus’s aunt? You learn something new every day.

Perhaps my favorites are the children’s renditions of how Mary cheated on Joseph with God, how Mary baked and left gingerbread cookies out for Santa, and how baby Jesus and Santa had a little feast under a Christmas tree.

But all is not hopeless. The kids recognize the miracle of the season. Especially the little boy who experienced a miracle just that day. What was it, you wonder? The miracle of putting a warm cloth on his stye-infected eye.

Quick! Somebody report that one to the Vatican STAT.

Check out the full video below, and maybe consider ushering the kids to church once in a while. Or not. Their stories may be more interesting, anyway.