Kids: God's Answer to Talkie DJ’s Who Won’t Play Music
Humor Parenting

Kids: God’s Answer to Talkie DJs Who Won’t Play Music

Kids: God's Answer to Talkie DJ’s Who Won’t Play Music

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I am going to take a minute out of my busy, busy day to help you consider this whole procreating issue. You are welcome. I am only doing my duty as a contributing member of society. I hope you would do the same for me.

I am providing a reason you should probably be getting children. That’s right- this isn’t even going to be a list. This is going to be one reason. The single best reason for procreation ever. Granted, there are more and probably better reasons (by the gallons), but I think this could push you over the edge into “I want a kid” territory. I would go so far as to say that this is probably how the Duggars happened. I would go that far. It would be a lie. However, I would go that far.

You know that annoying time in the car where you can’t find a station that isn’t talking at you? Well, when you have a child, you will not have this problem. They are built to make noise, and in my child’s case (3 years old), that means singing. I no longer have that moment of panic where I can’t find someone singing on the radio. I have a built-in live concert performance everywhere I go.

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Now, the particular model that I have tends to sing every song to the “Mary Had a Little Lamb” melody. I’m not going to beat around the bush- it is a developed taste. Hearing Meat Loaf’s “I Would Do Anything for Love” to that tune could take some getting used to, but it’s better than listening to the DJ talking or commercials or worst of all- SILENCE- yikes! What does that sound like? Scary-that’s what that sounds like. I am sure there is a way to reprogram her with some more options; I just have to locate the manual so I can see where the switch is.

For her part, the younger/newer model (note: I am not saying “better” or “replacement”- I love them both the same) seems to prefer gangsta rap and has been practicing beat boxing to make up for her current lack of a turn table and auto tune (I imagine in her mind she is beat boxing to “Parent’s Just Don’t Understand,” hoping her straight-laced parents will get a freaking clue and invest in some speakers to get some beats up in this crib).

I’m not even sure I have to wrap this up real tight for closing since you are probably already out trying to get a baby. I will leave you with easy slogans to drive the point home: Kids: God’s Answer to Talkie DJs Who Won’t Play Music, or No One Should Suffer in Silence: Have Kids and Suffer in Loudness.