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Just in Time for National Breastfeeding Month: Breastmilk Jewelry

If you’re of childbearing age and have a social media account, chances are you have heard it is National Breastfeeding Month–and people are damned sentimental about it. We are all familiar with the movement to normalize breastfeeding, but if you want to take your lactation appreciation to a whole new level, why not order breastmilk keepsake jewelry?

A company in Singapore is offering custom-made beads containing–you guessed it–your boob juice.


Screenshot Facebook page

It has been years since I lactated, but I can still recall wearing lots of milk in a new mom’s favorite accessory: breast pads. Those spherical maxis in my bra were my constant companion, collecting the gallons of dribble I produced (my cup runneth over.) Fishing them out of my shirt was disgusting because they were often soaked and sticky. I even had the embarrassing experience of losing one in a room full of casual acquaintances. It sat there on the floor like a yellow fish out of water–floppy and afraid. Everyone stared at it in horror, mimicking the expression of Large Marge in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. I’m convinced people would have that same reaction if they saw the contents of my breast pads bottled up in jewelry form. Just imagine the conversations that would happen:

Casual Acquaintance: “Hey, Nikki, I like your necklace. What is that marbled effect in the beads?”

Me: “Oh that? Just my congealed body fluids.”

CA: Dry heaves. No longer makes eye contact.

Other Casual Acquaintance: “That charm bracelet is lovely. Did you make it yourself?”

Me: “Kind of. I produced the curdled cheesy bits. From my boobs. This yogurt bubble used to be inside my body. Who’s hungry?”

OCA: Never eats dairy again.

This is not a statement against breastfeeding awareness. I’m all for it. In fact, I even miss nursing my son–just not enough to go around with a mommy-latte pearl pendant around my neck.