Blame it on my immaturity, or maybe on the 13 yo boy version of my multiple personalities, but I see penises and vaginas everywhere. Even in cooking recipes. And apparently I’m not alone.

Take this Chefclub Network’s Cordon Bleu Deluxe recipe, for example:

This recipe for chicken cordon bleu, “tenderly split down the middle,” looks more like a tutorial for stimulating the female erogenous zone than for preparing a wholesome, family-friendly meal, Barbara.

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I mean, do you see how Gary in the video there (or maybe it’s Gertie, it doesn’t really matter) is gently massaging and spreading the lips — I mean meat — open? And then how Garytrude carefully lubes it up in egg and breadcrumbs before placing that ham and cheese inside and attentively pouring that creamy culinary concoction all up and down the middle, expertly topping it with mozzarella before popping it in the oven and sensuously grabbing the knife and fork to enjoy the explosion of orgasmic flavor? And all while the titillating sound of a soft core porn score plays in the background?

Yeah, I saw it. As did the droves of commenters who jumped on the post to leave their two cents. Some of our favorites:

this gives an entirely new meaning to food porn

Not sure if I’m hungry or horny…

Kids: “what’s for dinner mum?”
Me: “crumbed vulvas.”
Kids: 😮

I think I need a cigarette🤷‍♀️

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Salmonella will be the next STD.

What came first? The chicken or me?

Hhmm wonder what kind of recipes they got for hot dogs 🤔

Did the chicken sign a consent form?

4 star ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ Would masturbate to this again

So we just gone ignore it only took 20 minutes to cook? But I bet them potatoes HARD as hell!!!! Lol

I’d eat it and I’m a vegetarian

I felt very uncomfortable for the chicken. Just didn’t seem right.

So we just gon ignore that this shit has no seasoning and it looks like a p—-?

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Finding myself a little horngry after seeing this….

That was the best 30 seconds I’ve had in a while. Porn Hub would be proud…lol.🙈

Do you prefer Warm Apple Pie or Chicken tonight????🤔

Good God, I need shower and a blessing from the Lord after watching that.

If you’re struggling to find something to serve at your next swingers party — or to teach your partner how to bow the strings on the fiddle — looks like this chicken recipe is a real crowd-pleaser and great place to start.

Just be sure to dim the lights, put on some Marvin Gaye, and buy it some flowers first.

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