Incredible Desserts That Probably Still Won’t Fill the Void

By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama

These desserts are perfect for people who want to try to escape the stress of the current administration and pending nuclear war for about 20-30 minutes, depending on prep time:

White Chocolate Mousse

12 squares (1 ounce each) white baking chocolate, coarsely chopped
2 cups heavy whipping cream, divided
1 tablespoon powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
A heavy dash of white privilege

Heat in a heavy saucepan over medium-low, combine chocolate and 2/3 cup cream. Cook and stir until chocolate is melted and mixture is smooth. Remember Stephen Miller is a white supremacist and wrote the State of the Union address. Take deep breaths. Cool to room temperature.

In a small mixing bowl, use your pent-up frustration to beat remaining cream with powdered sugar and vanilla until soft peaks form. BANNON TOLD FRANCE THIS WEEK THAT BEING CALLED A RACIST IS A “BADGE OF HONOR.” Is this real life?

Fold about 1/4 cup into chocolate mixture. Fold in remaining whipped cream mixture. Refrigerate before shoveling entire batch into your mouth as you weep for humanity.

Rainbow Sherbet Angel Food Cake

1 prepared angel food cake
3 cups rainbow sherbet
A pinch of civil liberties

Using a long serrated knife, cut cake horizontally into four layers. Place bottom layer on a freezer-safe serving plate; spread with 1 cup sherbet. Repeat twice. Remember how Trump tried to ban all transexual people from the military. What in the actual fuck?

Put whipped cream on it and freeze or whatever. Donate heavily to the ACLU.

Russian Apple Cake

5 Granny Smith Apples
6 eggs
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of flour
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
¾ teaspoon of baking soda mix with ¼ teaspoon of vinegar

Preheat the oven to 350F, grease pan, and try not to think about the hijacked election. Peel, core, and chop the apples. Set aside.

Whisk eggs and sugar on high for about 2 to 3 minutes, until light yellow, thickened and about triple its size. Wonder what the fuck is taking Mueller so long. Lower the speed to low, beat in the vanilla and flour.

Quickly mix the baking soda and vinegar and add it to the batter. Mix batter gently, as if Trump isn’t just Putin’s puppet. Arrange the chopped apples on the baking pan. Then pour batter over the apples and bake for about 30 minutes. Enjoy and OMG THE HOUSE COMMITTEE INVESTIGATION WAS A TOTAL SHAM ANYWAY.

Remember these desserts are only a temporary fix, and may increase your feelings of guilt and anger and could cause you to spiral into full-fledged depression.

Bon Appétit!


About the Author

Joanna McClanahan is an editor at MockMom, as well as a Staff Writer and Social Media Manager at Scary Mommy. She also makes jokes and memes as Ramblin’ Mama. Follow her on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram for more hilarity.