By Jen Schwartz of The Medicated Mommy

Some moms think pushing a baby out of their vagina is the most beautiful experience. I’m not that mom.

Some moms would rather die than send their new baby to the nursery during the hospital stay. I’m not that mom.

Some moms live to breastfeed. I’m not that mom.

Some moms puree fruits and veggies, making homemade baby food for their little ones. I’m not that mom.

Some moms cook a homemade meal for their children every night. I’m not that mom.

Some moms tell you that having a child is the most amazing experience they have ever been through. I’m not that mom.

Some moms have two, three, even four children. I’m not that mom.

Some moms say their “uterus hurts” when they know it’s time for another baby. I’m not that mom.

Some moms love the playground, other kids’ birthday parties, and playdates. I’m not that mom.

Some moms look forward to mommy and me classes. I’m not that mom.

Some moms think bath time is a special time. I’m not that mom.

Some moms never go on vacation without their children. I’m not that mom.

Some moms say their children are their life. I’m not that mom.

Some moms pretend to have it together and be happy all the time. I’m not that mom.

I’m not judging these moms. Not even close. I think these moms are supermoms. Some of my closest friends are these moms. I thought I was going to be one of these moms. My mother-in-law is one of these moms. I learn things from these moms. I’m just not one of them.

Here is the mom I am: I’m the mom who would absolutely schedule my C-section if I decided to have another child. I’m the mom who is absolutely not having any more children. I’m the mom who has no interest in sharing my body again with a tiny human. I’m the mom who had no problem sending my new baby to the hospital nursery so I could sleep. I’m the mom who tried to breastfeed and gave up on day five because I hated it and it was too hard. I’m the mom whose boobs are for sexual purposes, not food ones.

I’m the mom who had a night nurse for two months until my son slept from 7pm to 7am. I’m the mom who thinks infants are boring. I’m the mom who had postpartum depression for the first year of my son’s life and fought…really hard…to get better. I’m the mom who gives my son macaroni and cheese when I’m tired. I’m the mom who doesn’t cook. I’m the mom who microwaves my son’s dinners from containers his nanny has prepared and left in the fridge. I’m the mom who doesn’t work and has a part-time nanny. I’m the mom who bribes my son with lollipops and cookies.

I’m the mom who loves to throw birthday parties but can’t craft for shit and really doesn’t care to. I’m the mom who pays others to craft for me. I’m the mom who thinks Etsy is a Godsend. I’m the mom who doesn’t enjoy the chaos of the playground. I’m the mom who doesn’t do playdates because my son still takes afternoon naps and I like naps, too.

I’m the mom who needs breaks. I’m the mom who prefers kid-free vacations. I’m the mom who puts myself first…a lot. I’m the mom who has no problem leaving my son with a babysitter. I’m the mom who loves drop off. I’m the mom whose son gets on my nerves on a daily basis. I’m the mom who needs a glass of wine immediately following my son’s bedtime.

I’m the mom who will be on anti-depressants for the rest of my adult life and is not embarrassed or ashamed. I’m the mom who loves laughing with my son. I’m the mom who loves reading books with my son. I’m the mom who melts when my son tells me he loves me and asks to give me a kiss. I’m the mom who loves watching my son develop and discover every detail about the world around him. I’m the mom who loves my son so much that sometimes it’s hard to breath. I’m the mom who doesn’t apologize or feel guilty for any of this.

I’m just me, the mom I am, and that’s okay. Thank you, postpartum depression and tons of therapy, for teaching me this.

This post was originally published on The Medicated Mommy.

*********

About Jen Schwartz

Jen Schwartz, expert postpartum depression survivor and real, bad-ass mom is the founder of the blog, The Medicated Mommy. After kicking postpartum depression’s ass, she learned the importance of accepting herself as the mom she is (one who pops an antidepressant every morning), not the mom she thought she was supposed to be (domestic goddess and Pinterest’s mom of the year). Jen is here to tell you, you’re not alone. Forget about the mom you think you should be. Tell all those “shoulds” to go f**k off! The mom you are is amazing and she is enough. Jen is a published author, influencer at Mogul, and regular contributor for The Huffington Post, Thrive Global, The Mighty, Motherlucker, Red Tricycle, and Suburban Misfit Mom. Her writing has also been featured in Scary Mommy, Mamalode, Kveller, Blunt Moms, and more.