Humor Life

I’m Going Grey and I’m Going to Dye

I'm Going Grey and I'm Going to Dye

I knew I was going to have it young. I remember my mom starting to go grey relatively early. I had prepared myself as well as I could for them popping up in my 30’s. I think I was pretty calm when I saw the little bastards spring up initially.

Then the unthinkable happened. Those grey hairs tried to wage a different kind of war. They tried to move to new turf. They appeared to retreat only to relocate their efforts in another area. The area? My eyebrow. Really, grey hair? My eyebrows? How can I be on fleek with my brows if you can’t see them because they are grey?

That these hairs would take root in my face isn’t really something I considered until the unbelievable actually happened. And now I’m left wondering: What do I do with grey eyebrows?

No, really. I’m asking.

I have always heard you aren’t supposed to dye them with hair dye. Is this where I shave them off and draw them on with sharpie? How do I know which sharpie matches my skin tone the best? How often does sharpie get reapplied?

These are all problems I have now. I’ll be honest and say that for now, I just pluck out the greys. Not before telling my mom that she’s ruined my life because it’s her genetics that are doing that. Of course, now that I think about it, my dad has lost a little hair. Maybe grey isn’t so bad when the other side of the coin is the horseshoe hair.

Here is another problem I have with this. Why don’t my chin hairs turn up grey? Are you with me, ladies? We should at least get some kind of consolation prize. Who do I petition to get this changed for us?

I also blame my kids who are six and four. They have to have contributed quite a bit to the grey hairs. There was that time that they argued with me … oh wait, I’m remembering that wrong. There was one time they didn’t argue. The rest of our conversations seem to be a battle of wills. Luckily, my will is completed, so guess who will have the last laugh?

I write this as a warning to all you unsuspecting, non-grey-eyebrowed people of the world. Those of you walking around in your 20’s, making facial expressions and showing off your eyebrows with come-hither expressions, widening your eyes in surprise when I step out and say, “Enjoy your eyebrows! It would be a shame if something happened to them!”

Show offs.

Whatever. We both know what is going to fleeking happen to your brows eventually, you fleekers.