MockMom SPM/MM

I’m an Instamom Who Enjoys Every Single Moment

By Vegansmoothiemama

Whatup, mamas!

Just your fave Instamom here, spending some glorious time at the playground with my amazing son AJ! I like to grab a few selfies at the front gate, just a little something to show that I’m a mom who’s all about activities.

AJ doesn’t appreciate the value of my brand yet and pushes my iPhone away. I keep at it, though, snapping 47 versions to get one where he isn’t scowling.

[adsanity id=”35664″ align=”aligncenter”/]

Our ritual is to say a park gratitude prayer before playing. First, we thank the sun for shining, obvs. Then we thank the — what do you call these animals? Squirrels? Right, the squirrels for making everything look so nature-y. And we thank the Goddess Zara, for making super cute jumpsuits for fall.

I set up a little blanket for us to sit on, but before taking out our organic slow-cooker cardamom applesauce, I need to get my pic sorted for Insta. Going through the selfies, I try different filters and write a post with the hashtag #loveeverymoment.

These days go by so fast and I don’t enjoy them now, but as an Instamom, I know I’ll miss them someday. Strangers on the street tell me that every day.

[adsanity id=”35667″ align=”aligncenter”/]

Wait, I think a woman is screaming at me in the distance. Oops, AJ is throwing sand in a kid’s eyes! This woman is very in touch with her anger. I calmly tell her AJ expresses himself by throwing sand and that in our house, we encourage free expression. I ask him if he is done throwing sand, but he throws some sand at me while screaming “NO!” He is not done expressing himself.

My jaw clenches unwillingly (It’s actually called rage-meditating!) and I check my phone to see how my last post is doing. Only 23 likes! My previous post had 267 in the first 2 hours. I wonder if the caption didn’t grab people. Hmm.

I edit the post to mention how the sun is shining in the sky and in my soul, because I think it’s good to remind people that they should take a moment to look around themselves AND to look inside of themselves. I’m so all about inspiring people.

I scroll a little — both @lullabiesanddeadlifts AND @kombutchabitch are at the beach today — dammit, I should have gone to the beach! I “like” their pics and go check on AJ, who is sitting with a grandmother and eating her commercially-produced granola bar! Horrified, I grab it and remind him we don’t eat things that aren’t sustainable!

[adsanity id=”35665″ align=”aligncenter”/]

The granny smiles politely, but I can tell she is a little naïve about plant-based lifestyles. Most people are.

AJ wants to go on the climbing structure, so I sit on a bench and feel the wind blow through my hair. This would be a great selfie. I grab my phone, but I get distracted checking my post again. No new likes! How weird. I wonder if it’s the algorithm.

Ugh, my feed is showing even more moms at the beach! And they’re getting so many likes! I should have known — beaches are the most reliable Insta content! I quickly bundle up our stuff, put AJ under my arm and high-tail it to the car.

[adsanity id=”35666″ align=”aligncenter”/]

After the traffic and two meltdowns, we only have enough time for a selfie in the parking lot before naptime (But what a perfect beach in the background!). And my post gets 664 likes — a personal best!

*****

About the Author

Vegansmoothiemama is a fake fitness, lifestyle, and parenting influencer. She is the mom of 2 amazing boys (1 photogenic).