If Novel Titles Told the REAL Story
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If Novel Titles Told the REAL Story

If Novel Titles Told the REAL Story

What if you could tell how a famous novel or play turns out or what the story’s really about just by reading the title?  I can think of a few times I’ve read something that, by the end, I wish I had known more about so I could have seen what I was getting into and saved myself either the pain and suffering of actually cracking the thing open or the emotional roller coaster ride of reading it.

Just for funsies, here are some famous texts transformed to include slightly more honest titles.  (NOTE: Possible spoilers.  But probably not really.)

1. John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men Chase Lenny to His Death

2. William Shakespeare’s The Tragedy of Julius Dies Before Seeing Everyone Stab Themselves with Swords

3. Harper Lee’s To Kill a Man’s Will to Live, a Drunk Bigot in a Field, and a Child’s Innocence

4. Homer’s The Odyssey Through One Man’s Epic Mid-Life Crisis

5. William Golding’s The Lord of the Privileged Children Who Have to Actually Fend for Themselves for Once in Their Lives

6. Arthur Miller’s The Noose-ible: Everyone Pays for One Couple’s Whorish Ways

7. Lorraine Hansberry’s A Raisin and the Son Who Won’t Grow Up Already

8. Kathryn Stockett’s The Help Get Some Help But Not Enough to Keep Them from Being the Help

9. Stephenie Meyer’s Twhy Does She Keep Using the Same Adjectives Over and Over and Over Again?

10. F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gratuitousness of the Jazz Age and The Subsequent Death of the American Dream

11. Dan Brown’s Da Very Clever Art-Meets-Catholicism Conundrum

12. Ken Kesey’s One Flew Into a Rage and Got Himself Lobotomized

13. Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finally Stops Calling Jim a N–Nope, Wait, Never Mind

14. Veronica Roth’s Barely Diverges from The Hunger Games Plot

15. George Orwell’s 1984 Ain’t Got Nothin’ on 2016


16. Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle is Where I’d Rather Get My Food Than the Place Described in Here

17. Anthony Burgess’s A Clockwork Orange Ya Glad You’ve Never Run Into an Alex on the Street?

18. William Shakespeare’s The Tragedy of Romeo and Just Look What Happens When Spoiled Teenage Brats Defy Their Parents’ Wishes

19. Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit Four Fifty One Way to Keep the Masses Lapping from the Cup of Conformity

20. J.D. Salinger’s Catcher in the Rhymes with Buck

21. John Green’s The Fault in Somebody Not Telling Me I’d Need So Many Tissues

22. William Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Whiny, Jealous Little Man Children 

23. Charles Dickens’s A Tale of Too Many Words

24. William Faulkner’s As I Die Reading

25. Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and His Seriously Boring Fight with a Fish

26. John Irving’s Not Even a Prayer Could Help Owen Meany

27. Jodi Picoult’s My Sister’s Keeping Much, MUCH More Than My Secrets

28. Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Burn of Chillingworth’s Jealousy

29. Stieg Larsson’s The Girl with the Demoralizing Daddy Issues

30. Herman Melville’s Both Moby and Ahab are Giant Dicks

These just scratch the surface of titles that tell the real story.  Comment with your additions below!