Ryan Reynolds broke a record for holding a stare and now I’m in my room thinking about what I’ve done
Deadpool actor and father, Ryan Reynolds, won a staring contest after holding an epic death gaze that is essential as a parent for a whopping 2 minutes and 37 seconds, and I’m over here like, “Me when my kid tells me they’re bored while they’re literally surrounded by toys.” Reynolds beat the previous champ, actress Jessica Chastain, who clocked in at an impressive 2 minutes and 2 seconds on the tv show El Hormiguero in Spain.
While Ryan Reynolds has earned his fame as an amazing actor, he’s won the hearts of parents everywhere through his savagely funny and honest tweets.
Nothing better than the simple joys of finding 5 bucks in an old pair of pants, or discovering my wife and I had a second daughter over a year ago.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 24, 2018
My daughter loves being buried up to her neck in sand at the beach. Her little face lights up when I come back to get her the next day.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 16, 2017
My kids tried to surprise me for my birthday this morning. I totally heard them coming and snuck out to start a new life somewhere else.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 23, 2017
Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 30, 2017
After this morning's diaper, my daughter finally earned the teardrop tattoo on her face.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 14, 2016
My daughter gets so pumped watching Disney films. She loves that they all have singing, dancing and a part when the parents die.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 4, 2017
On our 6am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it's in heaven, visiting daddy's freedom.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 16, 2016
My daughter's only 6 months old and already drawing. I'd hang it on the fridge but honestly, it's absolute garbage.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 19, 2015
My daughter just sneezed into my yawning mouth. Seemed really fucking pleased with herself. Joke's on her. She'll have to bury me someday.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) April 16, 2016
This morning, my daughter said, "quiche" which means she's smart, hungry and an asshole.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 21, 2016
The mobile above my daughter's crib is just a whole bunch of NuvaRings. So she remembers how lucky she is.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 20, 2016
I'm teaching my daughter that the sun goes down each night because it's mad at her. Probably gonna write a book on parenting at some point.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 5, 2015
A stare that could burn a hole through a person’s skin is a parent’s most useful tool, so I asked some of my funny parent friends to caption a screenshot of Ryan. You’re welcome.
“When your kids’ are arguing over who ate the last package of gummies, and it was you. You ate the last package of gummies.” – Real American Dadass
“When you’re bragging about how behaved your kid is while you catch them climbing up the slide.” – Marlebean
“When your kid insists on doing something all by themselves and then they suck at it.” – Simon Holland
“*Children running loudly around a restaurant: ‘WOW, those kids are super obnoxious. I wonder who they belong to,’ I say loudly.. knowing damn well those are my kids.” – Mama Babbles
“Watching the part of the school play your kid isn’t in.” – As Kate Would Have It
“When your kid tips out of his chair, after you told him to stop rocking in it for the 100th time.” – Paige Kellerman
“When your kid has been on their tablet so long they forgot how to blink.” – Sara Says Stop
How would you caption this photo?