I LIVED IT: My P*ssy Ate My Romper

By MockMom

I’ve never really been able to pull off the romper look without looking like an overgrown toddler.

Then I saw this particular romper in the store and had to have it. It was light and comfortable and perfect for the summer heat. And most importantly, it fit me without any visible camel toe.

But then I washed it.

What was once a good fit was suddenly way too snug in the crotch, and I now looked like I was smuggling hot dog buns.

I thought maybe once I walked around for a bit that it would somehow stretch back to normal. But I was wrong. Instead, my front butt decided it would have its revenge.

My moose knuckle became even more prominently displayed to the point where I found myself with a permanent lady wedgie.

Then, just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, my labia started to seemingly “eat” the fabric while my vagina sucked it in like some sort of black hole! (No pun intended.)

Before I could even process what was happening, my romper was gone. It had been sucked into the abyss that is my lady bits.

I was left standing in an unflattering pair of granny panties and a bra that hadn’t been washed all year. (And to be fair, I was used to that since every time I wore it I basically had to get naked to pee.)

Luckily I found a trash bag in the back of my car, which I cut holes in for my head and arms.

When I got home and told my family my story, they were horrified. But ultimately they all agreed that the garbage bag was much more flattering than the romper ever was anyway.