By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama

A recent study revealed that married men who help around the house are more likely to receive consistent oral gratification from their partners.

As Dan Steele, a representative for HEADD (Husbands Enduring Affection Deficit Disorder), said, “The findings are staggering.”

A breakdown of the HEADD-sponsored study includes the following findings:

– Husbands who help with the dishes (an average 3-5 times a week) are 96% more likely receive a blowjob over a similar time frame. (Doing more dishes directly correlated to an increase in time, effort, and quantities of said blowjobs.)

– Wives are 98% more likely to have sexual contact of any kind when they aren’t completely exhausted from doing all the housework themselves.

– Husbands who do laundry, take out the trash without having to be asked, and/or fix stuff when they say they will are also 73% more likely to get at least a handjob.

– The study also found that husbands who do the majority of housework are more likely to have sexual relations that include “other freaky shit” and “occasional butt stuff.”

“It never occurred to us that there would be such a startling connection between housework and felatio,” said Steele. “I can only hope that these findings will help couples get their romantic relationships back on track.”

When reached for comment, women everywhere responded, “No shit.”

*****

About the Author

Joanna McClanahan is Editor at Mock Mom. She’s also a Contributor at Sammiches & Psych Meds and has been published on Scary Mommy. You can find more from her on RamblinMama.com, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram.