By Jisci of Jisci’s Jewellery
I’ve been reading a lot of mommy blogs recently. You know the type filled with “10 tips to get your child to bed on time” and “Mommy and Milo’s rainy day crafts.”
I’ve noticed, it seems, that there are two types of mommy blogs. There’s the kind that makes you think, “Oh my gosh, how does she have the time to cut all of those sandwiches into Pinterest perfect star shapes for 20 odd children while still looking so glamorous?” Then there’s the kind that is just so relatable you can feel yourself almost literally breathing a sigh of relief while you’re reading it.
Thank goodness, it’s not just me…
One thing I’ve learned from this is that we all seem to experience “mommy guilt” in one way or another. I personally consider myself a bit of an expert on feeling the mommy guilt, as I’m sure plenty of you do too. Being an avid Pinterest fan probably doesn’t help either. These 31 examples of Mommy Guilt Moments just goes to show that we all feel it sometimes.
My favourite from this list is “Wiping your daughter’s nose with a panty liner.” Honestly, I’ve never done it, but it just sounds so bodge-job that it makes me smile.
I often feel like a bit of a bodge-job mom with my little boy. Especially when said little boy pipes up with, “I can’t wait for the Easter bonnet parade” at 7 pm the day before, and this is the first I’ve heard of it. I’m sure no one will notice that this year’s bonnet is amazingly similar to last year’s bonnet, just slightly tattier, with a fresh coat of paint.
This “Killing off Supermom” post from Modern Mom is a great read, too, and really helps with the idea that, actually, you don’t have to be the best this or the best that, as long as you’re the best you. It instantly reminds me of a quote I love so dearly from a film called GIA:
“This is life, not heaven, you don’t have to be perfect”
In the 6 years that I’ve had my son, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom, a student mom, a working mom and a small business mom, obviously not all at the same time. I can honestly say that in any of these situations, the Mommy Guilt Moments still crop up: “What kind of example are you setting if you don’t go out to work?” “What kind of a parent are you if you don’t get home from work until it’s almost bed time?”
Lately, I’ve been focusing on a fairly specific niche: working moms who run or are setting up their own small business. It doesn’t make for the best acronym, but I think that’s probably quite fitting. Who needs acronyms when you have aspirations?
Personally, I have a full time job plus my own jewellery-making business. Almost all of my waking hours are spent working on one thing or another. I get home in time to cook up some dinner, listen to my son read whatever book he’s brought home from school that day, and play a card game or two (this is his favourite thing to do at the moment). Then he’s off to bed and I’m up till the early hours working on this or that, only to get up and be off to work again at 6:45.
The beds are rarely made, the sofa cushions are never neat, the wash piles up from time to time and wow, I’m constantly wracked with the mom guilt.
So here is what I have learned to say to myself that I’d also like to share with you:
STOP.
Hammer time.
[/nextpage] [nextpage title=”Page 2″ ]Seriously, though, it’s so important in times like this to think about the bigger picture. Why are you doing this? Why do you go out to work each day? Why do you sit up all night choosing charms, beading bracelets, knitting diapers or whatever other fantastic thing it is that you do?
For me, I work because I need to be bringing money in, in order to set up my business. I put my all into setting up and running my business because it is my passion, because I love what I do in both of my jobs, because I want to afford to give my son the things he needs and the things he wants without having to live on beans for a month, because I want to be able to say that I’ve made somewhat of a difference and because all of that makes me happy.
IT’S OKAY.
If sometimes that means missing an assembly, if it means switching from packed lunches to school lunches for a bit, cooking spaghetti for dinner again or wiping your kid’s nose with a panty liner because the only other thing in your bag is a business card, that’s fine. It’s fine because all of that means that you’re setting an example.
What your kid(s) see is somebody who works hard, somebody with a passion, somebody who has dreams and aspirations that they’re not afraid to chase. They’re seeing Grandma at their school plays and they’re excited to come home and tell you about it in that precious time you do have together. They’re learning to value that time you spend.
And if you could just let go of that guilt you really needn’t be feeling, they’re seeing a happy parent, doing what she loves and building a life for her family.
If you still don’t believe me, The Journal of Marriage and Family recently published an article entitled “Does the amount of time mothers spend with their children or adolescents matter?” finding that despite social pressures to spend every waking second with or available to your child, “In childhood and adolescence, the amount of maternal time did not matter for offspring behaviors, emotions, or academics, whereas social status factors were important.”
It’s about quality, not quantity. And knowing that is how you ditch the mommy guilt.
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About Jisci
Jessica aka “Jicsi” works at a not so local school, runs a small jewellery making business and a household containing a lovely 6 year old who loves nothing more than asking questions and blasting Disney soundtracks at 6am. You can keep up with her on her Blog and on Facebook.
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