Like everything else in my life, my vocabulary has been changed by motherhood. Words like "exhausted", "shots", and "shit storm" have taken on a whole new meaning.
Humor Life Parenting

Hottest Chick in This Place! (How Times Have Changed)

Like everything else in my life, my vocabulary has been changed by motherhood. Words like "exhausted", "shots", and "shit storm" have taken on a whole new meaning.By Shya Gibbons of Vintage Dreams with a Modern Twist

Vocabulary is forever changing. An evolving language is a positive sign that society is moving and shaping; society, and its inhabitants, are growing, learning, and adapting. I try my hardest to stay up-to-date on current “cool” terms, but the fact I put cool in quotation marks is a pretty good indicator that when I use the word fleek, I look like a jackass. I also know that I am struggling with using youthful words when I debate heavily with my friends over how AP Style Guide would want fuckboy spelled. One word? Two words? Hyphenated? Fuckboi? I don’t know. I decided it is one word, no hyphen, but maybe I am wrong. I don’t use it often enough anyway, but who knows? Maybe I am playing fast and loose with my vernacular. I’m reckless! Watch out!

Sometimes when I reflect on language and how each generation had their cool words and phrases — like groovy, as if, or like — OMG, I realize the meaning of words also changes as you grow. I present to you a list of words that mean different things at different points in your life, or at least they do for me.

1. Shit storm

21-year-old Shya: “My life is a shit storm. I got drunk last night, I took a test hungover, and my ex-boyfriend won’t stop texting me.”

Shya as a mom, to her husband: “No, babe. It is a literal shit storm. He got into his diaper and it is on the walls, his crib, his face, the sheets, the drapes, the floor, the ceiling. It. is. Everywhere.”

2. Wasted

21-year-old Shya: “I was so wasted last night. Someone remind me next time that tequila Tuesday is a bad idea.”

Shya as a mom: “You are not getting a Happy Meal; all you do is take out the toy and the rest is wasted.”

3. Hottest Chick in This Place

21-year-old Shya: “I have my hair straightened, my makeup on, my tightest jeans and top. My friends all look like me. We will be the hottest chicks in this place.”

Shya as a mom: (sets breaded chicken tenders on the table) “Hottest chick in this place will be cold if you don’t get to the table soon!”

4. Shots

21-year-old Shya: “Tequila shots, shots, shots, everybodyyyyyyy!”

Shya as a mom: “Hi, my son is due for his booster shots and I need to schedule an appointment.”

5. Pain in the Ass

21-year-old Shya: “This professor is a pain in my ass. I handed in the paper; what else does he want from me?”

Shya as a mom: “I am so constipated after my c-section; there is a horrible pain in my ass.”

6. Late Night Out

21-year-old Shya: “I got home at 5 a.m. It was a late night out.”

Shya as a mom: “If we went to see the movie at 7 p.m. we wouldn’t be home until close to 10 p.m. I guess it is going to be a late night out!”

7. Hitting the hottest spots

21-year-old Shya: “We can pre-game with the guys, then hit Shorty’s.”

Shya as a mom: “First we’re going to Target, then Carters, then Crazy 8. I’m going to hit all of the hot spots with the best deals.”

8. Asset

21-year-old Shya: “I think my best asset, outside of my brain, is probably my ass.”

Shya as a mom: “We need more assets; maybe we can look into flipping a house and renting it.”

9. Exhausted

21-year-old Shya: “I woke up at 11 a.m. for my noon class. I only got to take a two hour nap before my 4 p.m. class. I am exhausted.”

Shya as a mom: “ The baby has colic and is teething. I haven’t slept in more than a two hour interval in three days.”

10. Risky Behavior

21-year-old Shya: “I can write this paper on my laptop while I’m at this party. I can handle this and I absolutely will not be distrac- oh, it’s my turn for beer pong.”

Shya as a mom: “Putting a sleeping newborn down is the riskiest thing I have ever done in my entire life.”

I could keep going with this list for days, but it just hit 8 p.m. and I am exhausted from a long day of hitting the hot spots; our K-Mart is going out of business and I was looking through those bargains like there was no tomorrow. I need a hot bath with some epsom salts and a long sleep (Long sleep for Shya as a mom is four hours. I miss you, 21-year-old Shya, but this 30-year-old couldn’t keep up with you for a day.)

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About the Author

Shya Gibbons is a full-time CEO (also called a stay-at-home-mom) to a precocious, blue-eyed three-year-old, and runs the blog Vintage Dreams With A Modern Twist. She is happily married to a gorgeous man who doubles as her best friend, and who loves her even on her worst days. She was born, raised and still lives in a picturesque small town where she has stacked up hundreds of bylines at the local newspaper. When she is not writing for fun, she likes to cook big dinners and bake. In her free time she likes to binge watch seasons of shows at a time where she gets far too attached to fictional characters. Her work was recently featured in the book I Just Want To Be Perfect. You can find more on her Facebook page.