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Highly Educated Neurotic Mother Syndrome: A Physician’s Guide

Highly Educated Neurotic Mother Syndrome: A Physician’s Guide

By Sage K. Penn

Definition

Highly Educated Neurotic Mother Syndrome (HENMS) is a non-psychotic mental illness in which otherwise healthy highly educated mothers “just don’t feel right.” Complaints often include fatigue, irritability, weight gain/loss, anxiety, depression, muscle and/or joint pain, headaches, and brain fog. Symptoms may peak around ovulation or menstruation. The most common age range for HENMS is women in their 30s to 40s, although younger and older women are also at risk.

Cause

It’s all in their heads. Typical lab work usually comes back within the values expected for the appropriate age range. Therefore, there can be nothing actually wrong. Labs don’t lie, and generalized normal ranges apply equally to each individual person. The obvious conclusion is that the patient has difficulty parenting, managing life stress, or is tired, and this difficulty manifests as non-specific physical and mental illness. She probably has too many kids or doesn’t discipline them well enough.

Differential Diagnosis

Don’t bother running more tests. A highly educated mother has likely taken it upon herself to research these “symptoms” and has self-diagnosed with a thyroid disorder, a hormone imbalance, or an autoimmune disorder. Never mind that these symptoms actually do have surprising overlap with thyroid disorders, low estrogen, peri-menopause, adrenal fatigue, and inflammatory disorders.  This is not possible because 1) the initial lab results are within the specified range, 2) Google Scholar is not a valid source of information, and 3) even though she printed off several recent peer-reviewed articles written by respected professionals and published in credible medical journals, she does not have a MD; therefore, she cannot possibly understand that information.

Treatment

She is not dying, and it is too hard to explore potential underlying factors contributing to these “symptoms.” The mother just needs to calm down. Prescribe Xanax. Also provide a lecture on self-care, targeting the following topics: make time for yourself, take a relaxing bath, maintain good nutrition, and engage in regular exercise. When she asks for specific details, refer her to a mental health professional. If she cannot figure out self-care strategies on her own, she is clearly crazy.

Follow Up

If the mother comes back (she will), refill her Xanax and refer to her a specialist. Maybe an Endocrinologist or a Gynecologist. If symptoms have increased in severity, give her the 1980s copy of relaxation exercises you have been saving since medical school. She will either laugh at you or never come back. Either way, you win.

*****

About the Author

Sage has many titles: Mom, Wife, Professor, Writer. When her titles threaten her sanity, she happily adds the title Dr. Vino. She spends her work day teaching students to act like professionals, and spends her life teaching her kids to act like humans. Her work has been published at Scary Mommy and The Mid, and she is a contributor at Sammiches and Psych Meds.