MockMom

Gyltlezz: A New Drug to Ease Mom Guilt

FDA Approves New Drug to Ease Mom Guilt

By Claire McMurray

Do you feel ashamed every time you shower, eat, pee, or breathe alone? Do you daydream about your parenting-free days and then immediately wonder if you are a soulless hell beast who doesn’t deserve to be alive?

If so, then you might be suffering from the underdiagnosed and often untreated condition of mom guilt. Doctors estimate that more than 150% of mothers are affected by this debilitating syndrome. Mom guilt can paralyze those who suffer from it and prevent them from enjoying life. Many mothers struggle alone and are unsure how to treat their own incapacitating symptoms. Are you one of them?

Most mom guilt sufferers are tired of their time-consuming and complicated regimen of caffeine, chocolate, chardonnay, whispered curse words, and sporadic sobbing. Don’t you wish that you could get all of that help in just ONE daily pill instead? Well, now you can! Gyltlezz© can make you feel like yourself again. Gyltlezz© works by attacking mom guilt at its source and eradicating feelings of self-doubt, worthlessness, and shame.

Listen to what some real moms had to say about Gyltlezz©:

“I started taking pills during the middle of the week. By the weekend I was already leaving my children home with my husband to have brunch with my girlfriends. We even had champagne. Thank you, Gyltlezz©!”

“I went on a work trip to Italy and only called home once. Before Gyltlezz© I would have let our 20-year-old intern go in my place while I stayed behind to wash all the dirty dishes my co-workers left in the communal sink.”

“My husband and three children all contracted hand, foot, and mouth disease. While angry red blisters sprouted over their extremities, I rented a hotel room and watched The Real Housewives of New York. Don’t worry, though. I ordered them pizza over the phone. I’m not a monster – just a Gyltlezz© user!”

“My doctor recommended Gyltlezz© for my uncontrollable cleaning addiction. I wasn’t sure if it was right for me. But today, instead of putting away my son’s toys during his nap, I spent those two hours on Facebook. I gouged my foot on a Lego later, but it was totally worth it!”

Call your doctor today and see if Gyltlezz© might be right for you. Your new life starts NOW!

(Warning! Side effects include: complete work-life balance, daily showers, uninterrupted sleep syndrome, intermittent privacy, long conversations about non-parenting topics, and frenzied bouts of joyous laughter.)

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About the Author

Claire McMurray works at a university writing center as a writing specialist. She also writes about the ups and downs of new parenthood and chases after her 17-month-old daughter.