Guests Leave Grad Party Because Yard Wasn’t Mulched

By Shelby Spear of

Have you heard about the mother-of-three who hosted her first ever grad party for her oldest son? Brace yourself, because the story is toxic.

Turns out because the mom was new to the scene of having one of her babies graduate, her bleeding heart trumped logic and reason when it came to proper event planning. Though we can’t know for certain what was going on in the mind of Mrs. Weepy, word on the street is, wait for it…she failed to mulch her flowerbeds. Can you believe the ignorance? I can’t even.

Everyone knows having a magazine-worthy yard is a MUST when entertaining guests. Duh.

How shameful for a mother to focus on celebrating her child. Doesn’t she realize graduation parties are about the people attending? Someone needs to tell this failure of a parent what her priorities are. The recipe for success is simple: feed your guests and let them drink away all your hard-earned money.

And for the love of Pete—whoever Pete is—make sure the landscape is easy on the eyes! Your guests show up at parties half irritated already. Wasting a beautiful weekend day to hand a kid an envelope and sit on a rock-hard folding chair, eating rigatoni, fried chicken, and grapes for the third weekend in a row isn’t exciting. Giving friends and family something beautiful to look at dilutes the madness.

Rumor has it this mom spent months putting together photo albums and a video montage about her spoiled kid and couldn’t find an hour to throw some manure in her yard. Seriously, does she think anyone cares about a looped real of nauseating memories of her precious kin from birth to senior year? Some things are better left private. People don’t need to see Junior smiling at every age and stage, engulfed by giant trophies, having fun in the sun, or being dressed up for Prom. Ugh. Boring.

Not to mention unrealistic. Portraying perpetual sunshine and roses surrounding a familial upbringing is insulting to real families with real problems. Where are all the pictures of the screaming matches from late night curfews being broken? How about the videos of your child striking out every at-bat in the championship game? Or proof of the terrible twos?

Moms who ignore the sanctity of the nitty-gritty failures of life need to get a grip and stop rubbing the face of the real guests of honor in the poo of self-indulgence.

No wonder the attendees at this party walked out in droves. A person knows where they rank. And when your presence doesn’t even merit the reward of gazing upon beautified flower beds considering a monetary gift is being distributed, then a boycott makes sense. How about we applaud these folks for teaching nostalgic momma a lesson before she ruins it for her other two kids down the road?

The moral of the story for all moms of graduates is this:

When your kid graduates, make sure the party you host is all about everyone but you and your kid. Get your yard in shape, cover those menacing weeds, and stop embarrassing your family. If you want to celebrate your pride and joy, make sure your graduate mulches the stinkin’ yard before accepting wads of cash. It’s the least he/she can do after being loved, supported, nurtured, and provided for over 18 years.

And also, for the love of that Pete guy, stop with the perpetual highlight real of success. Display the brokenness, heartache, and agony of raising your graduate. Realness goes a long way.


About the Author

Shelby is a Christian mom to three beautiful knuckleheads who have left her with an empty nest in which to ponder what the mom thing has (done to her) meant over the past twenty-two years. You can read her open book of revelations, screw-ups, gaffs, and joys at