As if over-the-top gender reveals aren’t cheesy enough, Italian-American restaurant Villa Italian Kitchen has upped the ante with gender reveal lasagna, and that term just made me throw up in my mouth a little.
The $140 abomination in a pan comes with garlic rolls and your choice of Caesar, garden, or Greek salad, and is made to serve 12 people, 10 of whom immediately regret accepting your invite and will never be able to eat lasagna without thinking of childbirth again.
The gender reveal lasagna is made with blue or pink dyed ricotta and mozzarella cheese, a special alfredo sauce, pasta imported fresh from Italy, and fucking nightmares.
Lasagna is delicious, so why does the thought of artificially dyed cheeses make me want to low-key vom? Maybe it’s the fact that marrying the thought of babies with lasagna seems so very wrong and macabre even. Kind of like those cherry pie baby shower desserts.
Maybe it’s because the cheese looks a lot like vernix caseosa – you know, that white, cottage cheese substance that protects a baby’s skin from amniotic fluid and kinda makes you think twice about kissing your newborn after you poop them out? Maybe it’s because cheese is supposed to be of the white/yellow/orange variety, so blue or pink seem almost sacrilege? Or maybe it’s all the shredded beef which seems like a sick foreshadowing of a mother’s future shredded beef. If you know what I’m sayin.’
People seem to be divided over this questionable gender reveal dish, and maybe that’s a good thing as listening to people’s unsolicited opinions will better prepare you for parenthood. If you live in New York and want to order your very own baby lasagna, you can do so by emailing Villa Italian Kitchen at [email protected].
Or don’t. Like, seriously, probably just don’t.
What do you think of gender reveal lasagna? No thanks, or are you ’bout it, ’bout it?