By Gina Ballentine of MrsMuffintop.com
After binge watching Extreme Couponing on Netflix while my daughters were playing in the sandbox at the neighbor’s house (you know, the one with all the cats?), I said to myself, “Hey! Why should those crazy bitches be the only ones to walk away with $300 worth of groceries for $2.75?”
I immediately went into action and bought me a laptop, printer, binder, inserts, a tub of post-it tabs, Microsoft Couponer 3.7 and a pair of sparkly purple scissors. All this for only $2,300! I was SOOO gonna to save me some cash and be able to quit my job at the local DG.
I ain’t made of money, so there ain’t no way I was gonna spend $2.00 on a newspaper just to get the coupon section. So I went to the dump on Thursday (the trash man goes through the rich neighborhood on Wednesday, and we all know them hoity-toity type don’t coupon), dove into the heap, and gathered all the ads I could find with coupons in them. Would you believe that people will throw these things out just ’cause they have a little raw chicken soaked into them? I gathered up all the coupons I could find and even got me a new coffee cup while there; it only had half a handle, but ain’t that all you need?
Once I got all the ads, I snuck out past the security guard and to the road where I left my T-bird and headed to the house. I spread my loot on the table and started tabulatin’ and whatnot. Man, I scored big time when I grabbed them 27 Piggly Wiggly ads. It had a $1.00 off Powerade coupon in it! I also hit the jackpot with 22 coupons for $0.75 off cake mix, and them are on sale for $1.35 apiece. With double coupons I am makin’ money on these. I then used my new computer to research which stores had what on sale and made a spreadsheet.
After 72 hours, I was ready to grocery shop, and boy howdy, was I nervous. I grabbed my rolling suitcase filled with coupons, my binders, a whistle, and two bottles of water in case I got dehydrated. I made my oldest daughter come with me to push the cart since my supplies took up half of one.
We got done in nearly four-and-a-half hours, and I hit my goal of spending under $10 at the Winn-Dixie. I am as excited as a fly on shit! I managed to get 15 tubes of toothpaste, 42 energy drinks, 16 boxes of pasta, 13 packs of gum, 27 cake mixes, 18 containers of cream of wheat, 14 cans of Vienna sausage, and 23 bottles of mustard.
Once we got home we had to find room for all the items we got, so I ran out to K-Mart and got a metal shelving system complete with that thingy made for cans. I used a coupon (duh!) and only spent $57 on it.
It took me a few hours, but I got the shelving system set up and all my treasures organized by type and expiration date. Good thing I had all those energy drinks to keep me going!
Then the kids started whining they were hungry, so I opened up a few of them Vienna sausages and a bottle of mustard and called it dinner. Yee-haw, I was able to feed those two young’uns for nothing. As a treat, I gave them a box of cake mix and a Powerade and let them make a cake in that there new mug I found. They said it was right good. It’s a shame I got the sugar and can’t eat none of it.
I been up now for another 42 hours straight, doing more couponing and downing these here energy drinks. I plan to move my girls out of their bedroom and into the pantry so I’ll have a bigger space to put all my freebies. I can fit a full size mattress in there with no problem. Did I tell you that I was able to score 1500 diapers at the Walgreen’s for $0.89? I don’t even have no baby.
I got to go head in to work to put in some overtime to pay off the $4200 I spent in couponing supplies. Afterward me and Candy from next door are going to hit the Big Lots. I hear they got marshmallows on sale for a dollar a bag, and I got me a bunch of coupons for it. Good thing I have those 62 tubes of toothpaste cause I ain’t takin’ them to the dentist. They don’t take coupons there.
About the Author
Gina Ballentine is a wife, mother, and terrible maid pushing paper by day and sweeping crumbs at night. She has been featured on Mamalode.com, MrsMuffintop.com, and Bon Bon Break to name a few. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.