Only seven days until you panic and realize you have nothing for your mom on Mother’s Day. But wait.

What if I told you the perfect gift is ready today? 

And what if I told you the gift was from Kentucky Fried Chicken?

And what if I told you it’s a romance novel featuring Colonel Harland Sanders and Lady Madeline, who fall in love in the Victorian English countryside and have passionate, steamy exchanges that are finger-lickin’ goo—wait, why do you want me to stop? I haven’t even told you the title yet! Tender Wings of Love! Yes! I’m serious!

The move can only be described as absurdly brilliant. KFC has outdone itself. In a year that has already given us Billy Zane and Rob Lowe versions of Colonel Sanders, we now have this piece of lit that defies reality.

The cover features a hella buff version of the Colonel holding a woman wearing jeans who could not possibly have existed in Victorian England. But it doesn’t matter, because it’s a book published by a fried chicken restaurant.

You can also watch the book’s trailer, in which a strange man reads excerpts of the book to you and misuses the past tense of “lie.” If you need an editor for your next edition, you know where to find me, KFC Executive Person!

Honestly, the only thing more shocking than the novella itself is KFC’s claim that Mother’s Day is its biggest day of the year…a day when they sell more chicken than any other day.

Huh?

I mean, I like a bucket of chicken as much as the next gal, but this is just weird to me. It’s a bigger day than Superbowl Sunday? Fourth of July? Thanksgiving? Bizarre.

It’s unlikely you can score a copy of the novella, but anyone can download it for free on Amazon.

Don’t tell me you didn’t click that link.