Robinsville, IN–Authorities are seeking help from citizens in Robinsville, IN in locating the Elf on the Shelf responsible for a string of criminal activities.

According to Officer Steve Rowan of the Robinsville Police Department, residents of the sleepy town have been reporting a number of unsavory incidences.

“I think we got maybe 4 or 5 calls just the other day. People complaining that someone resembling the Elf was doing some, you know, uncomfortable things. Some peeping tom stuff. Some illicit drug use. Stuff like that.”

Sandra Hughes, area resident and owner of cat couture boutique Pretty Pussy, was one such caller.

“That pervert popped in and out of every nook and cranny of the shop. Just the other day, I’m positive I found evidence of him having poked holes in the contents of the condom dispenser in the unisex restroom. And I’m certain he’s the one who left that horrifying image of Barbie and Ken in the Feline Footies section. Besides. Even if it wasn’t him, he should be arrested anyway for being an asshole. I mean, just look at his stupid, dumb smirk. It’s criminal.”

Local trinket collector Fred Gunderson disagrees.

“Anybody who’s anybody knows this is a frame job. That Elf’s done nothing but bring joy to thousands of children worldwide. You know who’s behind this? It’s those insufferably lazy, good-for-nothing parents who keep whining about, ‘Oh my God, I have to move this Elf every night, blah blah cry waaaah.’ You shouldn’t have kids if you can’t move an Elf!”

Police are following up with Robinsville High School student and self-proclaimed #stoner4lyfe, Austin Markum, following his allegations that it was the Elf who sold him the narcotics Principal Gary Westfield found in Markum’s locker last week.

“I have, like, photographic evidence and shit. But he’s, uh … he’s a cool dude. The Elf, I mean. Not Principal Westfmghghfwhatever … I, uh … what … what was I talking about?”

The Elf is also a person of interest in several area homicides, though police declined to comment on that investigation or on whether or not his prior arrest for assault and battery has anything to do with their suspicions.

Police encourage anyone who knows of the Elf’s whereabouts to refrain from approaching the possibly armed and dangerous suspect and to contact Crime Stoppers right away.

Special thanks to fellow reporter, Jennifer Scharf, Writer for her photographic talent.