I’m just going to say it. We need to CTFD with the “emotional support animals” in this country. Now, I’m not talking about your well-trained, medically necessary seeing eye dog, or the cute puppy that lifts your anxiety. I’m talking about the people in America who have actually brought llamas into hotels.

LLAMAS INTO HOTELS!

But at least in a hotel, you can opt to stay elsewhere if the room next to you has a livestock companion. Imagine being in a confined space with a bogus support animal. Say, for instance, in an aluminum sky bus. Yep. It happens. People are taking ridiculous creatures on flights, claiming they are assistance animals.

Guess how many “assistance animals” board Delta flights every day? 700.

And it’s not just dogs and cats.

Delta reports that since passing the 1986 Air Carrier Access Act, customers have flown with possums, turkeys, snakes, pot-bellied pigs, and spiders, to name a few.

You read that correctly: Tom the Tai Chi Turkey has racked up frequent flyer miles. Percy the Pilates Possum has browsed Sky Mall Magazine. Harry the Happiness Hedgehog has learned to place his oxygen mask on himself before assisting others.

The airline has had enough. Delta says that properly trained animals behave well, but the untrained animals? They are guilty of urination, defecation, bites, and other “disruptions.”

(Now is where I read between the lines and picture Pepé Le Pew, the support skunk, sexually harassing flight attendants.)

The airline has tightened up their current policy and will now require 48 hours of advance notice as well as a letter signed by a doctor or other licensed mental-health professional stating the animal’s support purpose. Delta will also require vaccination records and a veterinary health form showing that the animal is trained to behave outside of a kennel.

Delta’s senior vice president, John Laughter, says there has been a rise in serious, animal-related incidents which have created unsafe conditions for airline travelers.

Umm, you think?

This all seems reasonable to me, because who the hell is bringing a pet possum in their carry-on luggage? In fact, who the hell has a pet possum? Full stop.

I wouldn’t even bring my puppy on the plane because he barks at everything and is afraid of life jackets, so I’m pretty sure he’d tear shit up in the case of a water landing. The only animal I’m bold enough to have accompany me is my child (who may or may not have behaved like a wild mongoose in a burlap sack on our last transatlantic flight–sorry, British family in front of us.) Even that feels like a stretch sometimes.

So, kudos, Delta Airlines. You may get backlash from the 1% of co-dependent pot-bellied pig owners in the world, but you have my full support. Those pig owners probably deserve to fly United Airlines anyway.