I need your help and guidance on a sensitive subject. I need your wisdom and advice and do not plan on holding back about my issues and I hope you will not hold back on your thoughts.
My children and husband are absolutely out of control. I casually strolled into motherhood thinking that I would be an expert due to the amount of parenting books I read. Our library room required an expansion to add more shelves to accommodate the amount of parenting books I bought, despite the fact that the room is two stories tall with every square inch occupied by bookshelves.
I have tried and failed countless tactics that the books suggest, and my children always seem to outsmart me.
Let me give you some background about myself. I have been married to my husband for over a decade. He has a kind heart, is loving, and is a gentle person. I have always seen those traits in him and fought others vehemently when they did not see his wonderful qualities. Despite growing up extremely wealthy, he has a dark past and has been through many changes throughout his lifetime. He lived out countless years as a recluse with no one knowing that he existed. No one had ever noticed his nicely sized home that sat far back in our expansive woods.
Once you get past his gruff exterior and sometimes explosive temper you would love him, too. The man is an absolute beast in the bedroom, and his animalistic side always rears its head when we are intimate. He is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but he is passing down horrible habits to our children.
Thanks to him my two sons now race throughout the house, whipping past everyone and everything. They even broke the candelabra, which was like a family member to us.
They have zero table manners. You know the saying about how you can’t change a man that is set in his ways? Well, I did years ago. He would SLURP his food out of the bowl. No spoons, zero apologies. Every time we would sit down to eat I would gently remind him to please use his silverware and napkin; we are adults, not wild animals who scarf down their food the moment it is placed in front of them. It took time, but he started using the cutlery, which was newly purchased due to the fact he could not clear the mental hurdle of placing any of his old dishes in his mouth. Now he is back to slurping his food and he has the children following suit as well!
I make our children well-balanced meals and try my hardest to make sure that they get to eat things they actually enjoy eating, as opposed to making whatever I want to make and forcing them to eat food that they hate. My husband finds this unacceptable and over-the-top. My youngest son used to be a picky eater when he was younger, which is a normal phase for children to go through. One day my son pushed his plate away and refused to eat the dinner I cooked. He asked me to make something else, but my husband told him he can either eat the food that I prepared or he can starve. After sitting at the table for two hours my son finally relented and ate the peas and chicken.
We redecorated the house a few years ago, but certain rooms he would absolutely refuse to let me remodel. Those rooms were off-limits to everyone except for him. He yells when I try to sneak over to the rooms to add fresh wild flowers to liven up the place. He ABHORS flowers and makes it blatantly clear that he will not accept them in our home. I now use artificial flowers, which on one hand are lovely because they never wilt and lose their petals, but on the other hand they collect dust so quickly.
In hindsight I guess that I could use a feather duster. Except there have been suggestions that the feather duster is mostly there to sashay around with no purpose other than to swish feathers back and forth. If I was crazy I would go as far as suggesting that it is akin to a mating ritual; an inanimate object is trying to garner attention from the candelabra.
Abby, please help me. Deep down inside is that incredible man, but lately all I see is an overly pompous, rude, arrogant, cocky man. I swear any day he is going to start boasting about eating dozens of eggs a day to help him get strong, and then prove his strength by bench pressing bar-maidens. I was once wooed by a man like that and he was foul; not to besmirch the reputation of a deceased man, but I do not want to end up with someone who turns out to be like that insipid buffoon.
I eagerly await your reply and advice. Thank you for taking the time to read about my issues.