Dad Describes TV as “Most Reliable Sitter We’ve Found”

By Liz Bolton

Eric Strauss of Wilkes-Barre, PA, was delighted to discover that he need look no further than his living room to meet the nanny who would forever change his family’s lives.

“We’d been banging our heads against a wall, looking for the perfect candidate,” said Strauss. “Turns out, it was right in front of our noses the whole time.”

Strauss, a CPA, and his wife Jeanine Bash, a civil rights attorney, had reached the end of their rope. Their children, Schuyler (3) and Emmeline (18 months), needed full-time care and were, in Bash’s words, “acting like real babies” about their parents going to work and leaving them with a succession of kind, middle-aged women.

“It was a nightmare.” The couple had planned to send their daughters to a Waldorf school, where screen time is frowned upon. But then Strauss accidentally fell asleep watching a basketball game on TV, and the girls wandered in. When he awoke, the children sat transfixed.

“Doc McStuffins had come on after the game, and the rest is history.” Laughed Strauss, “We call it a literal game changer.” Bash spoke thoughtfully about Strauss’ role in the plan.

“Normally I think Eric’s ideas about parenting are stupid but I have to hand it to him — this was a stroke of genius.”

The couple does overpay a lovely woman named Wanda, so as not to be reported to the authorities, but as far as they can tell, Wanda sits on the couch doing Sudoku while the girls mainline PJ Masks on TV.

“It’s a win-win,” said Strauss. “Everyone is happy.”

With their marriage no longer in tatters, Strauss and Bash were able to consider the third child they had wanted. Bash is now seven months pregnant.

“I’ve started listening to Daniel Tiger episodes during my commute so our baby is up to speed when he’s born,” said Bash. “His sisters won’t have time to catch him up on everything he’s missed.”

Strauss and Bash are currently planning to enroll all three children in public school when the time comes.

“Waldorf is dumb,” they said in unison.


About the Author

Liz Bolton is a comedian who hails from Brooklyn. Before she had a child, Liz never felt guilty about the tantrums or eye rolls she may have inflicted on her parents; now she does. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband, daughter, and seven hundred stuffed animals.