It’s not easy being Ivanka Trump these days. From Nordstrom’s decision to no longer carry her clothing line to the internet’s certainty that she’s madly in lust with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau after his visit with her father this week (I mean, CAN ANYONE BLAME HER?), she’s getting dumped on left and right (well, mostly from the left).
Ivanka’s troubles don’t just stop with Nordstrom’s or Trudeau’s wife, though. It seems quite a few Amazon customers are doling out some sick burns of their own.
On the Amazon listing for Ivanka Trump Women’s Kayden4 Dress Pump, users took to the question and answer section of the product review to voice their disdain for the current administration’s politics, and the results are both harsh and hilarious.
Some of our favorites:
Q: Where is the shoe made? The description says “imported.” Are the Trumps using foreign labor and resources rather than making America great again?Â
A: Trump brand made in China but bought and sold by Russia. Sad! Perfect for trampling other people’s rights.
Q:Â Do these shoes fit more than the 1%?
A:Â These shoes do not fit anyone. They are unfit for human consumption. Slip into the right shoe, and you feel like dating your Dad. Slip into the left shoe, and he grabs you by the…you know. Walk a couple of steps and you find yourself sitting in on a State visit with the Japanese Prime Minister while you seek to seal a trade deal with him. Walk a few steps further, and you are on the road to Oblivion.
Q:Â Do these shoes come with an ambassadorship?
A:Â Yes, they do! Buy 2 pairs and you get to pick your country.
Q:Â The majority of reviews (60%) give this product less than 4 stars. Most people give it only 1 star!! How is it that the average review is 4.4?
A:Â The electoral college determines amazon reviews. It is not a popular review site.
Q:Â Are these good for wearing while your family walks all over the constitution?
A:Â Yes. They also come in a bigly size that even fits Steve Bannon’s fascist feet to do the same. Tremendous!
Q:Â Are these shoes truly timeless and classic? Or is that an alternative fact?
A:Â They are not timeless or classic. When I put them on I cannot do anything but bend over and grab my ankles.
Q:Â Can I out run a grizzly bear with these? Would I be over dressed in case bowling green has another massacre?
A:Â The heals are NRA approved as personal defense weapons. Just need a blow pipe and some hot air, plenty of that to go around.
Q:Â Are these suitable to wear to a nuclear holocaust?
A:Â Absolutely. And think of how good you’d look while trampling the little people in these smart heels. Be sure to pair them with a fur coat.
Q:Â Does the purchase of these shoes make my Constitution look broken?
A:Â Only if you accessorize with a Bill of Tights.
Q:Â Can I easily side step the truth when wearing these shoes?
A:Â Yes! You can easily sidestep even verifiable facts, and with a little practice you can pivot and spin like a pro – The truth won’t know what hit it!
Q:Â Do these shoes run yuge?
A:Â No, quite the opposite. I found they pinched me inappropriately while telling my pantyhose they’d like to date me.
Q: How high are the heels?
A:Â I’d say approximately 1 tiny hand high.
Q:Â Is it true that sean spicer wears these heels around the white house when no one is around?
A:Â Yes – while wearing Putin Petticoats.
Q:Â Are the ivanka trump kayden 4 light brown patent shoe more of a cream or taupe color?
A:Â In daylight (as in not artificial light) these shoes appear to have an eerie orange tint.
Q:Â I’m not sure I understand the overall star rating. How can it get 4.4 stars out of 5 when 46% of the reviews are only 1 star?
A:Â As of today, I see 56% are 1 star ratings… FAKE MATH!!!!
Q:Â Synthetic sole? Is that like one step up from having no sole at all?
A:Â 100% Artificial. Really no soul or support at all.
Q:Â Will these shoes make my butt look big?
A:Â Yes, wearing them will make you a huge a$$.
Ouch. Well, I guess the lesson here is don’t use your father’s political clout to advance your business interests. Still, I’m sure Ivanka’s father will just tweet about this incredible injustice. Losers and haters! SEE YOU IN COURT!