A mom recently entered a deep existential crisis that verged on self-loathing after using the word “Bam!” to verbalize excitement regarding extra chocolate chips she was adding to cookie dough.
The ill-advised quip was intended to channel the formerly-popular television chef Emeril Lagasse, whose star rose in the ‘90s but has since tapered in popularity.
“I almost said ‘Let’s kick it up a notch!’ but luckily I stopped myself,” she said.
The only witness to the incident was her 3-year-old daughter.
“She didn’t judge me at all, even as the hair was rising on the back of my own neck,” said the mom. It has been suggested that the mother’s lapse in judgment may have resulted from spending too much time with tiny people who are incapable of judging or challenging her sense of humor.
“I’m really starting to question my life choices,” she said. “What have I become?”
Follow up reporting reveals she feels much better after eating a bunch of cookie dough and opening up about her transgression.
“I understand that I can never take it back, and I’m OK with that,” she said. “All I can do is move forward.”
A version of this post was first published on The Mommy Hack.
Mother of two young children. I write satire to make you feel like less of a weirdo. Follow The Mommy Hack for more.