Him: Mommy, I need you a dange my diapuh.
Me: Buddy, we’ve been over this. You really need to poop in the potty.
Him: NO! I poop on the couch! mild giggling
Me: That’s not funny. I’m serious. You have to poop in the potty now, not in your pants.
Him: I poop on the floor! chortling now
Me: Listen! You stop that. Poop goes in the potty, and that’s it.
Him: I poop in the Cwissmus twee! hysterical
Me: WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I’LL POOP ON YOU!
Winning at parenting, y’all.