By Sulla Rose
Sometimes you wake up and find yourself in the middle of a very important life choice. To get your bearings, you look around and find yourself eyeballing the mouth of a very enthusiastic stranger. As you hone in on the details of what is escaping their wordhole, you determine, “this is either a time share presentation or a college campus tour.” Thankfully, you have this handy guide to help you determine EXACTLY what situation you are currently in.
1. You are greeted by the most enthusiastic employee on duty.
2. There are balloons with the logo/official colors.
3. You meet with a tour guide, a presenter, and a loan officer.
4. You are likely shown the most luxurious accommodations they have, in their most desirable location.
5. Much of the discussion centers on dining options and activities.
6. There are brochures showing people living their best lives.
7. There is a video with testimonials from happy customers.
8. Chances are, at least some of your questions will go unanswered.
9. Your sticker shock is appeased by discussions of discount rates.
10. You usually leave with some sort of cheap prize to “thank you” for your visit.
11. You are told that there are special advantages to making a commitment on the spot.
12. You are assured that not everyone qualifies for the deal, and you are special for being chosen.
13. By the end of your visit, you are left with distinct FOMO feelings if you don’t make a deposit today.
14. You receive endless texts and emails after you leave.
1-14: College tour
1-14: Timeshare Sales Pitch
About the Author
Sulla Rose (pseudonym of an author of fourteen non-fiction books) recently finished her first novel about New England suburban shenanigans. Follow her @SullaRose on Twitter.