By Allison Sanchez
Plastic Banana by Kaukland Fruits
This looks just like a banana! The neighbors will think you have the most put-together fruit bowl on the block.
The only problem I could find with the Plastic Banana by Kaukland is that the plastic isn’t very durable. This item breaks easily when thrown across the room or when used to hit someone with significant force. If you need a reliable banana as a blunt object, this really shouldn’t be your go-to.
Mystery Desert “Dream Catcher” Making Kit
I loved the selection of beads it came with! So beautiful.
However, I was ultimately disappointed with some of the other materials. The rope in this product is rather flimsy and will snap easily when even the smallest amount of pressure is applied to a tooth. Fine if you want to catch dreams. Not very versatile for your needs in even the most basic dungeon.
Denim Gift Tags
Why go with paper gift tags when these denim gift tags are so fun? And unlike paper, they’re reusable! So you can feel good about doing right by the environment while being stylish.
And they also make terrific toe tags on bodies! Though, make sure to keep far away from intestines. These can stain quite easily.
Gloss Enamels Basic Paint Brush Set
For the first time painter, these brushes comprise an excellent starter kit.
Whether you use acrylics, oil, or human blood, they’re really perfect for a beginner’s needs. And they even work on glass surfaces! I love the way an “I’ll Always Find You” message looks scrawled on a bathroom mirror. Just make sure to clean right away. Because once the blood congeals, it is impossible to get out of the bristles.
Decorative Pink Clothespins
These are perfect for a baby shower. We used these to hold up decorative onesies for my cousin. She loved it!
However, they are more decorative than functional if you’re trying to drape yards of plastic sheeting over your carpets and walls before your neighbor comes over for “coffee.” I’ve had more than one sheet slip, which makes cleaning up DNA pretty difficult.
Celebration Station! Ruffled Crepe Ribbon
The Ruffled Crepe Ribbon is really the perfect choice for all your crafting needs. And I love the polka-dot pattern!
But I especially like how thick and strong it is. Once around a neck, even a grown man couldn’t tear it. And while the ruffles are charming, they’re also quite handy. Really helps you to keep a nice strong grip as you squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.
Pink Princess Cake Stand
If you’ve got a little princess, then this is a great addition to her birthday party. I can’t tell you the amount of compliments you’ll get from the other stay-at-home mothers for your precious party.
And while this cake stand is great for a cake or cupcakes, it’s also the perfect size to hold a human head.
Self-Stick Crystal Gems
I love these for scrapbooks! These gems are vital to commemorate those “special” memories.
Because you know what they always say: “When scrapbooking, every lady needs three things: Polaroids, a bucket of human hair, and every sparkly gem she can find!”
Galvanized Metal 3D “Dream” Sign – 12″
I keep this sign above my fireplace to remind myself that if you can dream it, you can do it.
So DREAM big! Because you can do anything you put your mind to with a little hard work and a lot of help from Michael’s.
About the Author
Allison Sanchez is a writer and zombie enthusiast living in Los Angeles with her husband, David, an elegant cat named Macduff, and a big, goofy dog named Harold. She has previously been published in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency and Below the Fold Magazine. Follow her on twitter @DemandHats4Cats and at her website www.allisonsanchez.net. And for all that is holy, put a hat on your cat.