By Shane Allen
To cut, or not to cut? That is the question.
For most, it’s a simple yes or no. But ask the extremist group called “Intactivists” – who equate the removal of foreskin with beheading a journalist – and the protracted and verbose ‘Nooooooooo!’ is screamed in your face at volumes that would make hair bands proud.
These folks are not shy and they don’t play nice. They use words like “Mutilation,” “Amputation,” “Barbarism,” and even go so far as to call it a “Sex Crime,” all done without the consent of a newborn who should have bodily rights. Yes. They take it that seriously. These people are so extreme they prefer uncut diamonds and refuse to peel bananas before eating them. Hell, I doubt they carve the turkey on Thanksgiving. One woman promotes the use of “ONLY intact sex toys.” Let that sink in…
Intactavists say foreskin is a great thing. It’s natural, and cutting it off is a dangerous surgical procedure that is painful, traumatic, and causes long-lasting psychological harm to the infant and impedes a man’s ability to have a fulfilling sex life.
They call circumcision unnecessary. The same way a great many of them think vaccinations, braces, and properly fitted shoes are unnecessary. Guess what, Intactavists? My kid is getting those too.
Problem is, none of their arguments hold scientific weight. Study after study has shown that circumcision reduces contraction of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases by up to 60%. The World Health Organization says it’s a “key tool” in the fight against HIV. Likewise, it’s been proven that infants don’t remember anything. But hey, ignore that science stuff when it goes against your (faulty) belief system.
As if cutting your son’s risk of contracting HIV and STDs and virtually eliminating the risk of penile cancer (which only grows in the foreskin) wasn’t enough, there’s this little thing called smegma. Let’s say it together: “semg-gack-ma.”
In its fresh state, smegma is a functional lubricant that allows the foreskin to slide over the head of the penis. That’s great. But, if allowed to accumulate in the foreskin cavity, it morphs into an unpleasant and bad-smelling substance. Yum. Intactavists claim that it’s easy to keep away with proper hygiene. (Cue laugh track). Riiiiight. Because young men always pick up their socks, never leave skidmarks in their tighty whities, and always remember to brush their teeth.
One argument that brought me great amusement is that men will orgasm faster (debunked by science) minus foreskin. If you took a long look at the woman making that argument (which I wouldn’t suggest because your insides would start to solidify as if you’re in a stare down with Medusa) you’d soon realize that she’s no one you’d ever want your son to sleep with. If he did find himself in such an unfortunate position, you’d wish it were true, because you’d have done him a favor in allowing him to escape more quickly.[/nextpage] [nextpage title=”Page 2″ ]
It seemed, in researching this topic, a majority of the people railing against circumcision were women who also seemed to be rabid breastfeeders and anti-vaccinators. Some openly advocated that their boys be “natural,” even if it meant being outcasts in a circumcised society. I find it sad that they were willing to overlook the psychological damage inflicted by high school kids in a locker room. Which, I can assure you, kids DO remember.
All you need to know about Intactavists and how seriously you should take them is right here in the first minute. Intact America’s main web page prominently features this video from a “Popular sex educator.” Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls, Children of all Ages, I give you Laci Green:
The scary part? Laci has over 1 million subscribers to her YouTube channel. Come to think of it, maybe IA isn’t completely off their rockers.
Don’t get me wrong; I admire the Intactavists’ passion. I just think it’s misplaced. If they pumped the same energy and resources into things that really matter, the world could be a better place.
What matters? The almost 5000 soldiers who have been killed in our recent wars, people who will never get to decide if their son should be cut or uncut. They matter. The 300 young women who are missing after being abducted and presumed dead or sold into sex slavery. They matter. The fact that ISIS is beheading people as if they think they’re French. They matter. Homelessness, Head Start, kids going hungry…
They matter. Not a safe, sanitary, surgical removal of foreskin for personal or religious reasons, where the only thing an infant remembers is nothing, and the only pain they feel is from a numbing shot, as if they’re having a filling. I say if it’s unsightly, unsanitary, unnecessary, cut it off.
Now, on to important things. Does anyone know a good tattoo artist who works on kids? I’ve got an amazing KISS design my kid HAS to have on his chest before he hits kindergarten.
About Shane Allen
Shane Allen has one third the wit of Dave Barry and all the charm of Andrew Dice Clay. A husband, father, gourmet chef raconteur, and Renaissance man. Is there nothing he can’t do? He lives in Michigan with his wife and young son. If you like what you read, please feel free to contact him at: [email protected] If you don’t, don’t.[/nextpage]